What Dreams May Come...

A BEAUTIFUL Meditation...

2011-08-28T11:02:00.002-07:00

MY BELOVED…

Let me tell you how I made his acquaintance.
I had heard much of Him, but took no heed.
He sent daily gifts and presents, but I never thanked Him.
He often seemed to want my friendship, but I remained cold.
I was homeless, and wretched, and starving and in peril every hour; and
He offered me shelter and comfort and food and safety; but I was ungrateful still.
At last He crossed my path and with tears in His eyes He besought me saying,
Come and abide with me.

Let me tell you how he treats me now.
He supplies all my wants.
He gives me more than I dare ask.
He anticipates my every need.
He begs me to ask for more.
He never reminds me of my past ingratitude.
He never rebukes me for my past follies.

Let me tell you further what I think of Him.
He is as good as He is great.
His love is ardent as it is true.
He is as lavish of His promises as He is faithful in keeping them.
He is as jealous of my love as He is deserving of it.
I am in all things His debtor, but He bids me call Him Friend.

from an old manuscript, Longmans, Green & Co., 1912

Appreciation of Masculine Beauty

2011-08-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

Hello from the ever-smoldering Middle East! (And HELLO to that ever smoldering picture of Gerard Butler...more to come on THAT!)
I wanted to take a moment to appreciate Masculinity. So many men in our culture think that masculinity is shown through "muchismo", bravado and unnecessary overconfidence. I've never seen that reality show, "Jersey Shore", but I hear tell of the shallowness of both men and women on it...and even then, the show is applauded as entertainment in our society. Those men definitely work on their "outer shells", but inwardly they seem to be LACKING IN DROVES! Speaks volumes on what our culture values today.
Others in our society (I hate to say it, but especially Catholic Men) think that that the pursuit of virtue and holiness--very masculine in it's essence--is a path of pusillanimity and that fake humility that ends in wormy weakness.
Let me now proclaim to both sides--VIRTUE IS A BALANCE, A MEANS BETWEEN EXTREMES!
Women (and I here speak of TRULY FEMININE women, not "feminazis" and not those brainwashed weak little fainting creatures who define themselves only by how many children they bear and how well they serve their men in utter, mindless obedience) are not impressed by braggarts and cocky bravado, but are FAR more attracted to that form of so called "masculinity" nowadays. They are most definitely not attracted to the weak, skinny men who care little about seeking to be attractive outwardly- who think that such a focus would be prideful--that a woman will be attracted to him based solely on his spiritual life. I ask you, if you can't even attract a woman long enough for her to hold a conversation with you... to see that beautiful soul, then what is the point to your thesis? You can't leave it all to God, Gents...we work TOGETHER with Him, remember?
It isn't prideful to TRY and attract a woman, to seek after masculine activities such as weightlifting, shooting, hunting, fishing, camping, rock-climbing...etc (has anyone else ever noticed that so many truly Catholic men do not work on themselves outwardly, or is it just me?!)...just as it isn't a bad thing for a woman to TRY to be attractive to men.
The more I see dowdy men and women in the Catholic Church, the more I lament the loss of seeking after Beauty. Dowdy Churches, dowdy Homilies, "dowdiness" even surrounds the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass! WHY do we think displaying such grey and blandness represents some sort of sacrificial virtue and holiness?
No wonder so many men and women are confused! I guess we all have to seek this path our own way, but...
I present to you, ladies...CONTEMPLATION OF BEAUTY for today. This picture above displays, in my opinion, a VERY FINE example of a HANDSOME, MASCULINE MAN. Now, it is your turn. Feel free to post your idea of MASCULINITY (keep it PG, ladies!) on this page, or my FB page. Let's CELEBRATE Masculine Beauty, and in turn, encourage men towards aiming for both inner and outer masculinity!
Pax

This is BRILLIANT. Please watch!

2011-01-26T17:39:00.000-08:00

I am literally in awe. AWE. This is so brilliant, and as an artist...so fitting. Science, Theology and Art coming together. WOW

The Romance of LOGIC and of Two Hearts...

2011-01-03T16:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings, Blogtypes!

I write tonight on the subject of LOVE....AMORE....AGAPE....

I am not quite sure if I know much about this subject. In fact, I am not sure if I've ever been in love. Don't get me wrong, I am in love with the IDEA with being in love, but seem to be unable to get that far with any man. I get bored easily. Moreover, there seems to be a delicate balance between the prudishness one finds in many Catholic circles and the absolute boorishness one finds in secular men. Perhaps my ideals are too high? One thing I know is that, as Beatrice put it in "Much Ado about Nothing"- He that is less than a man, I am not for him! I need a strong, masculine man in my life! Like Anne of Green Gables said, "I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't."

Can it really be true that "chivalry is dead"? I am starting to believe more and more that it is DYING, if not already dead.

Feminism has demasculated men...to the point that even "strong men" don't know how to treat a lady correctly...courting is a thing of the past, methinks.

Now, I take the example of the clip shown above, from Masterpiece Theatre's "Jane Eyre" (Starring Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens). The scene prior has Jane reveal that, since her departure from Thornfield Hall as the Governess there, she has become an independent, wealthy woman through an inheritance. Connect that with the passion and depth of Jane, you can see that she is QUITE the prize. What I love about her relationship with Edward Rochester is their union of minds that is first emphasized by the author. Wild hearts and Inquisitive Minds...and strength of soul that can be only attained through common survival through suffering.

I think that is such an ideal...that union of minds and souls...stronger than any friendship or infatuation. This is the true source of what the Greeks called, "AGAPE"...the love of the gods, love tested and purified as gold in fire. So, yes, this is what I am wanting, and I will seek after it until it is found. I believe it still exists, because it comes from One Who is INCARNATE LOVE, and I cannot believe He would create the desire for such a love if I was to settle for shallow EROS. I believe such shallowness is the norm for society today. Narcissism is the name of the game, and the game is played every day.

So, I'm sure many of you are wondering why I am writing this?

For the past year, I've been talking on and off with a man...a man I thought a gentleman and one who really captured my attention by capturing my mind. We had quite a bit in common, and our conversations were normally very solid and strong, keeping me attentive and involved. Yes, I did use the word "had" in the past tense, because as of this past weekend and the lack of communication from this man, I have left it to him to contact me if he is truly interested. He has not done so, leaving it to me to believe he had been playing games and has been dishonest--and he was REALLY GOOD at doing this. He had me convinced he was really interested, and I (the one who can usually read people so well!) fell for it!

I have admitted, quite openly, that I have trouble connecting on this level with most of the men I meet. This is simply because almost from the moment I meet them, I read EXACTLY what they want...they want sex. I'm not that type of girl, I've chosen the path of abstinence until I am married, so I automatically am turned off from any type of connection with said men (unless it is to play with their minds when they get a little too bold for their own good!). I think this experience will inevitably (and naturally) cause me to put up barriers, distrusting even those who seem decent and good. I am going to seriously work against doing so, but you all can sympathize. I guess this man broke through and broke my heart a little.

I pray that those of you, men and women, who are seeking that union of minds and souls know that you are not alone seeking HIGHER things. I hope that those who have found it will witness it, and those who may have not developed it in their relationship yet will grow into this love. And for my fellow singletons, of whom I reluctantly rejoin...lol...I want you to know that you are not alone. God does not place that desire for this love without a plan to fulfill it beyond our comprehension. Stay strong; Help me to stay strong; and do not despair--seek only to LOVE!

Check out music from Bree A. Dail

2010-12-19T08:13:00.001-08:00

New Christmas CD

2010-12-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings, I'm back!
When I say this, I mean I'm back to as much normalcy as one can fathom in my current career...enough so as to begin blogging once more. Oddly, not much news from where I am!
I AM quite a bit more qualified after finishing SWOS and with a few more underways under my belt...but I really am loathe to type one more sentence regarding work. I'll vent, time to time, but honestly...my blog is for ME, and work will NOT invade my personal bubble. I refuse it refuge.

So, other news...I am working on a Christmas CD, due to finish for anyone who wants a copy, by Christmas Eve. I play on some of these, and on others have tracks...but it's all me. I have enjoyed it, but am not sure what people will think now that I am collaborating with me, myself and I...and no longer with Kent. I am debating what title to give the CD...I am thinking either "INCARNATION" or "CHRISTMASTIDE", leaning more to the latter than the former. I am very much open to suggestions, so send 'em my way. The last CD was entitled "Pax et Bonum", honoring the fantastic greeting of the Saint of the Creche.
The CD, for now, has the following songs (but not in any order...at least, not yet!):

Puer Natus In Bethlehem
The Angel Gabriel
Ave Maria (schubert)
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring
Jesus Christ, the Apple Tree
O Holy Night
Angels We Have Heard On High
White Christmas

Mandy Hain is working on accompaniments for two others I'd like in--"Godhead Here in Hiding", and "In the Bleak Midwinter"...

...Others may make it on there, but for now that's what I have recorded. I am working on the final cuts for most, but instrumentation for some are not quite right yet...We shall see what progresses from here on in. I would love to feature a few other voices (eg. Cyrus Artz), but haven't had the time to arrange such. Perhaps those who are joining me in our 2nd Annual Christmas Suaret will end up cutting a few tracks? Hmmm...
I also plan to upload at least ONE music video for youtube this Christmas...I've had quite a few requests so it might be with MARY L...she might hate me for it. We shall see. I'm thinking, nevertheless, of doing a video for "Jesus Christ, the Apple Tree" and/or "Puer Natus".

Now I get to the gossip of this blog. Some of you have asked, and yes I am "talking" to someone right now. His name is Aaron. He is prior military (just retired SpecOps), and we are JUST TALKING. I am very busy and he is very busy and...well, time has not permitted anything than conversation. I like him though...but for now, I am still very much single and edging ever closer to "Bridget Jones".
...and SINCE that is the case, I have had lots of time to view films. I just haven't REVIEWED them here...I am planning to write another entry (gasp!) after seeing the next "NARNIA" film set to be released December 10th. I will spare no spear- tipped words for poor acting, story, music and/or effects...even though (and especially because) I adore all things NARNIA.

I am also quite peeved that there is a silver screen adaptation of "Jane Eyre" set to be released early next year...simply because the Masterpiece Theatre adaptation (starring the BRILLIANT Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens) released a few years ago, was SUPERB and very likely never to be outdone!

I also have enjoyed a few HBO series, including "Rome" and "Pillars of the Earth". I will blog later about all the above and more.

For now, blogtypes...I wish you adieu.

Newport...news?

2010-08-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, Blogtypes!
I am procrastinating, big time.
Here is the scenario:
11 months commissioned, and I am at Surface Warfare Officer School in Newport, RI.

For most SWOs, this is great timing. We have a total of 18 months to achieve our Surface Warfare Designation pin, and doing so one must qualify his or her knowledge of a little bit of EVERYTHING relating to Surface Warfare and the Navy. I have qualified in many areas over the last 11 months, including Combat Information Center Watch Officer (the minimum prerequisite for attending SWOS). Most SWOs will come to this school with their last qualification completed, the Officer Of the Deck Underway. When you stand OOD, you represent the Commanding Officer. He designates you as able to make crucial decisions for safe Navigation. You are pretty much the best you will be at your job as a JO by the time you have this qual.

So, being here, this early (having JUST qualified CICWO) shows my Command believes me capable. The problem really stems with the fact that those of us sent were told, about a week and a half before we came here, that we were going to SWOS. We were also in the midst of a VERY involved, multi-ship evolution, giving us no time to study.
So, set up for failure, we have not done well on our tests so far...but ship driving...ship driving we have blown out of the water!
I am very proud of myself in regards to how I handle the ship, and how I navigate, but I am disappointed on how much I am having to catch up to succeed on these tests. I hate that. I much rather be super prepaired, and have time to spare...but, it never seems to be that way.

So, now I am procrastinating, updating y'all in my comings and goings and trying not to freak out about the RULES OF THE ROAD test I have on Monday...which I must score 90% or above to pass.

I'm praying for St. Joseph of Cupertino to help me out on this one...I ask for your prayers too!
Pax et Bonum!

..."Action is Elequence"

2010-06-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

So sayeth the BARD!

It has been a long time coming since I've sat down and vented...ahem...versed on my doings! I love that demotivater, "Blogging: never have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few!"

Sometimes it feels that way when I glance at my blog...intending on updating it and then finding other things, perhaps more PRODUCTIVE things, to do! I guess I must've been seeking to establish myself more in action than eloquence this year. It might be that, in the scheme of things, my life seems small and unimportant...but I must say I love blogging and regret that I haven't kept it up as often as I should've.

AND SO....the narrative of my life continues!

2009-2010 has been a roller coaster for my life...but one a bit more stable than the past few years I took to explore a career in Musical Theatre! I must say, I applaud those who are able to succeed in the Arts without selling their souls. Too many actresses I met on my journey were so desperate for a gig, that they gave up their sense of self worth to get a part. I couldn't see myself doing that...especially as I attribute the gifts that I have to God, and have worked hard towards becoming a virtuous, strong woman. I think it was for this reason that I decided to work on vocal performances and recordings as a second to holding a stable career that would afford me leisure.

I'm so glad that I did!

Is being a Naval Officer difficult? INDEED! Is it rewarding? At times, yes...

I've had a difficult first year. When I reported to my ship, I was given the position as Repair Division Officer (taking care of the ship's firefighters- DC men- and the metal workers/plumbers/pipe workers - HT's), I was DEVASTATED. Here I was, new to the fleet, with a HISTORY degree and they put me in the Engineering Department.

I had NO clue what I was stepping into, but tried to stay positive--all the while, hearing the reply "Oh, I'm SORRY!" every time someone asked what division I had...and I had replied.

It wasn't the people. The hardest thing about R-DIV is that it involves almost every single space in the ship. We constantly drill, and have had about 6 major inspections since we left the shipyards early this year. It's been very difficult, but I have learned a lot...and have developed the thick skin needed to survive in this "boy's club".

My music HAS had to take a back seat for a while, but I've been able to save and purchase my own studio equipment in the last few months. I hope to work on a Christmas CD this year (perhaps with some surprise vocalists)! I'm still involved with "Espoir de l'Amour", but only minimally...just not enough free time, I suppose!

I haven't found a parish yet, that I can call home. It's so odd that there are so many Catholic Churches here...and not one can be called esthetically beautiful. I know my spirituality enough to see that I need more than walls and scripture---I need to be in AWE. I'm lucky, though, to be living right on the beach...and when not on duty, am able to run there every day!

So...this is my life. I have met a few people, and made some good friends. I love the stability, the personal growth and the opportunities the Navy has provided. I am looking forward to fulfilling my plans in regards to my career...starting with finishing my qualifications as a Surface Warfare Officer.

Thanks for listening...thanks for visiting!

"OH- asis!": Working for Michaele and Tareq Salahi

2009-11-30T15:31:00.000-08:00

It was early this morning, while I was already absorbed in some minor drama within my division, that I received a laughing voice mail from my father: "Do the names Michaelle and Tareq Salahi ring a bell? Do you remember Oasis Winery and Virginia Wine Country Tours? Yeah...they were the White House Partycrashers!"
Oh, do I remember.

First, let me say, I have no problem with Michaelle Salahi, nor her success with bringing the social world of the DC elite to a screeching halt last week, after crashing the White House Dinner.
Bravo, Michaelle. The dress was super cute.

No, I have no bones to pick. Justice has already been done on my behalf, in particular, through the Virginia Department of Labor...basta! Let me start at the beginning.

I know the Salahi's from the summer I worked for them at Oasis Winery, and also for Michaelle at her office attached to the winery--running Virginia Wine Country Tours.
A friend of a friend had recommended I work there, after I had sought to work at her family's winery down the road--Rappahannock Winery. They were fully staffed, and Oasis was in need of a wine hostess and all around social person to help in Winery Events and whatnot.
I applied, and Michaelle hired me. I liked her from the start--she would always be smiling, welcoming people with "Hi, friend!" and the like. Charismatic, beautiful and determined, Michaelle was always on top of things, and grateful to those who would be willing to work hard beside her.

The problem was...well...the FAMILY. Tareq Salahi was inheriting Oasis Winery from his aging father--who was suffering from early onset dementia. His father founded the winery amongst the beautiful slopes of the Shenandoah Valley, after he immigrated to this country from Palestine. Some of Tareq's family still lives there. Tareq's mother told me that they had part ownership of the land where the Church of the Holy Sepulcher is--where Jesus was said to have been buried. Tareq's father always had a glass of wine in his hand...sometimes he was lucid and charming...other times, he wouldn't recognize us, and walk around a bit confused. Those of us who worked at the winery got used to Mr. Salahi coming in and "checking" on us...then asking that we top off his glass...usually the oaky Chardonnay we poured.
Tareq's mother was having a hard time letting go...I think she saw the lavish lifestyle that Tareq and Michaelle were living as a bit too much for the winery to sustain...Tareq zipped around in their Aston Martin; Michaelle always wore designer clothes and attended grand parties. The second week I worked for them, they took a group of us out--in one of their limos--to see a show at Wolf Trap Theatre. We had wine, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! Tareq and Michaelle know how to party!
His mother became more and more agitated, especially when Michaelle would steal me away from the wine tasting room in order to help host a party, or work a wedding or man the phones in the office while one of the main Virginia Wine Country Tours hostesses were out driving limos. There was always a lot of work to be done, but Tareq's mother wanted us in the winery the entire time. So went the back and forthing...
It did come to a blow one time, Tareq got so angry at her dabbling in what he saw was already his business, that he threw her out of the winery...and physically threw a few objects her direction as well. Not pretty. (I remember being more worried about their dog, though...a cute and gentle Doberman who followed Tareq everywhere, but ended up liking me as well--which I didn't mind a BIT, as I missed my own dog back in Indiana!!!)
Mrs. Salahi, held up in her vineyard cottage, retaliated by withholding payments for bills that were due in the winery (she seemed to have most of the monetary control over the winery at that time--though they were in hot legal pursuit to take over), and she also withheld our paychecks. I worked this way for two weeks, having had the intention that after the second week, I would stop working until the drama was settled and I had been paid what I was justly due. I kept a copy of my time card, and spoke to Michaelle about my intentions. She was well aware that we weren't being paid, and although she said she had no ability to control this, my time was also split working for her company. She was at the mercy of her mother-in-law...one who, I am sorry to say, did not fancy her charismatic nature. Michaelle was, nonetheless, understanding of my issues--I needed to pay bills, and I refused to work for free. She also had other worries--the winery was suffering because of a fall in visitors, and the Salahi's had just purchased a rather luxurious home (They had been living in a small apartment attached to the winery, and Tareq's parents lived in the guest house in the vineyard).
After two weeks went by, I would call every other day to check up and see if my check had been cut. The drive from my house in Front Royal to Oasis was about 20 mins, so I was not eager to drive all the way to the winery without sufficient cause--especially as I was beginning to dive into my savings! Michaelle would always answer the phone, and would assure me that either my money was on it's way to the winery, or that Tareq had only to sign the paycheck on his desk. I drove out at least 5 separate occasions, and each time Michaelle would charmingly pour me a glass of wine as I waited for Tareq to return to the winery, etc...Michaelle was always there to cover for Tareq. Despite these trips, I never did receive my money.
Finally, after over a month of this, I ended up calling Michaelle--or she called me. Either way I told her that I couldn't wait any longer for the money that was due me, that I had bills I had to pay. I was moving up to DC for a job. I told her that I was going to have to get the Virginia Department of Labor involved for unpaid wages if I wasn't paid soon, and Michaelle took offense. Obviously, this was going to effect her separate company as well, and this was to her, unacceptable. She became very agitated over the phone, and ended what I saw was the advent of a close friendship. I regret that very much. Socialites have thousands of so called "friends", but what of those who are willing to be there when they fall off their pedestal, or lose their sparkle because of sickness or unfortunate circumstances? I saw in Michaelle a somewhat sad and lonely person--but one who smiled through and sparkled to most onlookers. I saw that same sadness in other connections I made later, working in the Entertainment Business. I knew that I never wanted to be that way...so much energy is spent maintaining that act. I am grateful to Michaelle for teaching me that lesson, albeit unaware she was doing so.
Many might see Michaelle as a wannabe fame seeker. So what? For some, fame is what drives them--they want to be known, and to know others with talent and sparkle. As long as it doesn't harm anyone in the process, let her get her kicks! She always sought to entertain, and never really seemed to be accepted into the "old money" DC Social scene...I guess this is her chance. If she succeeds (esp with this "Real Housewives" deal), great! If not, well...I guess she will always keep trying.

Oh--and did I ever get paid? The Virginia Department of Labor settled out of court. No, I didn't take advantage of this suit, either. I sought only what was due to me, and was awarded the wages I was owed.
I wish Michaelle all the best, and hope her little adventure doesn't end with more trouble than it was worth.

Cheers, Friend!

Polish Movie with St. Maximilian Kolbe

2009-11-28T18:44:00.001-08:00

YAY!!!!
St. Maximilian, ora pro nobis!!!

Navy OCS Class 26-09 Hi Moms

2009-10-02T15:18:00.001-07:00

This is the REAL DEAL, people!

The Slaughtering of Pigs...

2009-05-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's what the DI's call it, here. Every time we Officer Candidates are on our faces for not complying with instructions, or really just on the whim of our class DI, it's called "getting killed". They lovingly call it "the slaughtering of pigs". We're nasty candidates. We're gross and sweaty and many of us are injured or sick.
Why do we do this, one might ask? Every night, (if you're me, then it's every time you're struggling with the push-ups and 60 to 90 leg lifts) we ask this question--absolutely with out a doubt...EVERY NIGHT.
The answer seems to be always the same. We go through this hell by choice, because the outcome is the ability to pin on those shiny bars and choke through the oath that takes us from being nasty candidates to Commissioned Officers in the US Navy.

An update: I am currently in "H" or holding class right now, as I was unfortunate enough to sprain my rotater cuff. Uggh. The blessing is that in "H" I have made a few great friends, one of which just rolled into my old class. Some of the others will be rolling into the next class, 25-09, with me. I am also grateful, as there seemed to be no way for me to compete with--even keep up with, some of the guys in my former class. One is a Navy Seal. Need I say more? Although they scare the piss out of me, I really respect the Marine DI's here. Most of them are Gunnery Sgts., and many will be heading out to Iraq in the next turn of classes. My former DI had the lucky reputation as the most intense and difficult DI of the bunch...we were on our faces, doing push ups and the like, every other second. Not fun. Even though I was crazy scared, like I said, I know he did and does this because he wants us to be the best Naval Officers that can be offered.
I just hope that I am able to support my comrades and progress in the next 13 weeks.

Keep praying for me, guys...I really am depending on these prayers!
Pax et Bonum
CO. Bree Dail, USN

Swearing In...

2009-04-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

Pictures of taking the Oath of Service for the US Navy witnessed by Lt. Zedaker, USN

...Looks like I'm in the Navy, now!!! Anchor's Away!

My virtual puppy--Aslan!

2009-04-25T06:20:00.001-07:00

Virtual Pet by FooPets.com

Gethsemane - truly Art as CONTEMPLATION

2009-04-09T16:31:00.001-07:00

Steve Balsamo, one of my favorite vocalists, in his starring role as Jesus in "JC, Superstar".
Great meditation for tonight. I hope you all are as inspired by his rendition as much as I am.
He is also in a great band, "The Storys". Find them on iTunes.
Pax

One month and counting!

2009-04-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

Good evening, ladies. Good evening, gentlemen!
After much ado, some of it about nothing...ahem...I am very proud to announce that I have been officially accepted into Navy OCS as a Surface Warfare Candidate Officer. What follows will be 13 weeks of relative hell, training in Newport, RI.
I have yet to receive the package, giving me specifics on what to bring, etc. although I have already been given my class date, and will prob. be sworn in next week. I've also cut my hair and dyed it (brownish red--but closer to my natural color) in anticipation for training. I like it, and think it would look great LONG in this color, so I'll be trying that after graduation and commission! I regret that I will not be posting the exact date of entry, as I am sure that there is some DI somewhere looking for possible leads on who we are before we set foot on base for training. I am loathe to give them more fodder for what will likely be a colorful list of vocal insults for them to use whenever it so pleases them. Marines are hard-core, I'm not looking to tempt them any further than I already will, what with my natural curvy frame--let alone the fact that I am female in a male-dominated industry.
What I will hint at, is that I will already be training by the END of next month, so if you are inclined to write a letter of support (I would be MOST grateful--especially if it includes current event updates), I will post the address as soon as I have it.

In other news, as I am going to have to suffer without the luxuries of music or film--not to mention the comfort and friendship of Honey, my Labrador Retriever--I have decided to go overboard and watch as many of the DVDs in my collection as possible, and then review why I choose to add them to my collection in the first place. Some of you will find my choices and, yes, even my critiques to be a bit odd...and of course, you may post your own thoughts to add to mine, but as you all know I love good films, and love the art of bashing poor films. So I just can't wait to post on my daily movie reviews.

Last night, I rewatched "Hotel Rwanda" starring Don Cheadle.

I don't really know why I choose this film to start out with, only that it is one of my favorite true-to-life tragities, documented in an award-winning screenplay. I remember once, speaking to a friend from Nigeria, who I lived with when in Boston (some of you know that history, and some don't. I will not go into it now), who knew nothing of the atrocities that occurred, and are still occuring, in the mid-1990's. She actually became insensed when I tried to explain that people were mass murdered by machete, and that situations such as this were still occuring in the Sudan. The tribal warfare between the Hutus (many being Islamic or Animists) and Tutsis (a majority being Christian, most Roman Catholic).
Although the fighting has been more about tribal racism rather than religious, it nevertheless strikes a chord when looking at what is occuring in Darfur and other wartorn areas of Africa.
I love and hate this movie. I love it for the painfully artistic, phenominal acting and directing. When I watch this movie, I no longer feel like I am just observing, but am drawn into this dark reality which it portrays, as if I were one of the tourists actually witnessing the heroics and the atrocities in Rwanda. The score is absolutly beautiful, as well. I hate this movie for the fact that even after the Holocaust, the world--especially the UN and the European nations--turn blind eyes to ethnic cleansing until it effects them on a national level. I digress a little to vent. What use is the UN to these people in this movie? Nothing. No use. This sickens me, because ever since it was formed, the UN has sucked so much of the US revenue and military aid while doing nothing when genocide is clearly taking place--even when their own forces are attacked. I, for one am tired of this useless organization. If we choose to police the world like we do, anyways, fighting the majority of the wars in Iraq and Afganistan by ourselves...we need not continue to support the UN in it's comical attempt to maintain a power it bled out years ago. They did not maintain their sanctions against Iraq, nor are they doing so with Iran or North Korea. Darfur, Rwanda and other war-torn areas of the world attest to their utter failure in follow-through regarding their sanctions and demiliterization.
So, yes, I love this movie. I also abhore that the whole theme behind the film is still occuring in Darfur, Sudan and Rwanda.

Tonight, as it is Holy Thursday, I will be watching "Jesus of Nazareth", and tomorrow, "The Passion of the Christ".
Don't forget that the Divine Mercy Novena starts tomorrow!
I will not post until Saturday, but pray that you all have a blessed Triddium!
Pax et Bonum

Whe eez thee redarrr? Wat eez tat noise?

2009-02-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

Oh, man...I'd lay money down that this was ALL on the Frogs. Note the name of their vessel--priceless.

LONDON – Nuclear-armed submarines from Britain and France collided in the Atlantic Ocean earlier this month, authorities acknowledged Monday — touching off new concerns about the safety of the world's deep sea missile fleets.

The HMS Vanguard, the oldest vessel in Britain's nuclear-armed submarine fleet, and the French Le Triomphant submarine, which was also carrying nuclear missiles, both suffered minor damage in the collision. No crew members were reported injured.

Britain's most senior sailor, First Sea Lord, Adm. Jonathon Band, said the underwater crash posed no risk to the safety of the submarines' nuclear reactors and nuclear missiles. But he offered no explanation of how the rare incident might have occurred.

"The two submarines came into contact at very low speed," Band said in a statement. "Both submarines remained safe."

France's defense ministry said the ballistic missile submarines had been carrying out routine patrols when they collided.

"They briefly came into contact at a very low speed while submerged. There were no injuries. Neither their nuclear deterrence missions nor their safety were affected," France's defense ministry said Monday in a statement.

Still, the HMS Vanguard was towed back to a submarine base in Scotland with visible dents and scrapes, the BBC reported.

Le Triomphant suffered damaged to a sonar dome but returned under its own power to its base on L'Ile Longue on France's western tip, France said.

Neither France or Britain would confirm the exact date of the collision, but said it took place earlier this month.

The French military had issued a statement Feb 6. saying that one of its submarines had struck a submerged object — "probably a container" — but did not say the Le Triomphant had collided with another vessel.

Britain did not comment on the incident until Monday, after some details were reported by the British media. The defense ministry said the government's usual policy is not to comment on submarine deployments.

Naval experts said they were amazed by the collision.

"This really shouldn't have happened at all," said Stephen Saunders, a retired British Royal Navy commodore and the editor of Jane's Fighting Ships. "It's a very serious incident, and I find it quite extraordinary."

He said while NATO countries let each other know what general area of the Atlantic they are operating in, neither submarine would have had a precise position for the other.

Saunders said submarines don't always turn on their radar systems, or make their presence obvious to other shipping.

"The whole point is to go and hide in a big chunk of ocean and not be found. They tend to go around very slowly and not make much noise," he said.

Some British lawmakers demanded an explanation from Prime Minister Gordon Brown's government.

"(The government) needs to explain how it is possible for a submarine carrying weapons of mass destruction to collide with another submarine carrying weapons of mass destruction in the middle of the world's second-largest ocean," lawmaker Angus Robertson of the opposition Scottish National Party said.

HMS Vanguard came into service in 1993, has a crew of around 140 and typically carries 16 Lockheed Trident D5 missiles. Under government policy, British nuclear submarines carry a maximum of 48 warheads. At least one of Britain's four submarines is on patrol and ready to fire at any given time.

British lawmakers in 2007 approved a 20 billion-pound ($30 billion) program to replace the fleet with new nuclear-armed submarines.

France's Le Triomphant carries 111 crew and 15 nuclear missiles, according to defense analysis group Jane's.

Anti-nuclear groups said the crash should remind the world just how dangerous nuclear submarines really are.

"This reminds us that we could have a new catastrophe with a nuclear submarine at any moment. It is a risk that exists during missions but also in port," said Stephane Lhomme, a spokesman for the French anti-nuclear group Sortir du Nucleaire, "These are mobile nuclear reactors."

Britain's Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament called on Brown to end his country's nuclear submarine patrols of the Atlantic.

"The collision of two submarines, both with nuclear reactors and nuclear weapons onboard, could have released vast amounts of radiation and scattered scores of nuclear warheads across the seabed," the group said.

___

Associated Press Writers Jennifer Quinn in London and Jamey Keaten and Angela Charlton in Paris contributed to this story.

At Long Last...MOVIE REVIEWS!

2008-12-15T17:08:00.000-08:00

Indeed, it has been far too long since I have done any review work for the plenitude of films--whether classics or new releases, not to mention foreign and indie films--that I have watched in the last few months. Yes. I have no life in Indiana other than eat, sleep, work, exercise and...watch great films!

In the spirit of Christmastide, I will present two lists--the naughty and the nice. The naughty list should have you wanting to throw coal at the producers/actors by the end of my reviews. The nice list will have you pining, I hope, for your next free night to snuggle up, in your pajamas-- with a good hot toddie or hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps, and go on a movie watching spree!!

NAUGHTY LIST:

Sideways
-starring Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haiden Church.This obscene and shallow film was awarded numerous times by the thespian community, including an Oscar. It always amazes me that so many people claim poor writing coupled with plots celebrating what is base, immoral and unfortunate in human existence as "artistic". I sat, wincing through 126 miserable minutes only to be disappointed when walking away with absolutely nothing--how is it that the judges of film found this one so riveting? Was it that the two main rakes of the film are taking a short holiday in California Wine country (which, by the way, cannot even compete with Italian wines--California has become too market-focused and has over produced its soil...you're drinking mostly tannins nowadays...too peppery, too oaky...egad)? Why not just go on a wine tour rather than watch one miserable cad purpose to cheat on his fiance--thus confirming the fears of most women that today's man is shallow and sex-driven with no sense of morality, honor or chivalry--while the other pines over his very existence, reeking of self-hatred and weakness--other key qualities we modern women look for in a man...yeah, not really.
I did try to look for redeeming qualities in this film...I tried very hard. There aren't any really. Feel free to throw this in a coal furnace, not just throw coals at it.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Chrystal Skull
-Starring Harrison Ford and Shia LaBeouf
Oh, Indy...why? Honestly...I know why. It's because George Lucas has replaced his brain (and therefore all inklings of imagination) with a CGI implant.
I was warned when purchasing my copy of this film, before seeing it, that it was a sad reflection of what was once greatness, but like many I had to complete my Indy collection. I admit, I did like the film a bit better than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but anyone who knows me also knows how much I LOATHE Kate Capshaw and her horrendous lack of basic acting skills. I did not, however, understand the desire for Lucas to go off the deep end with focus on extraterrestrials and natives who appear, fight with the skills of the ninja and then disappear with no real explanation. I had hoped, rather, that Lucas focus on some other REAL (albeit fringe) archaeological exploration right now--say in the existence of Atlantis? For those who don't know, there was a computer game by Lucas Arts called "Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis" which had real promise for an actual plot. Lucus could've also used CGI with a purpose, then...like creating a believable underwater city!!!
On the acting side, Harrison was his usual self--if not a bit older. I could almost hear his bones creak with some of his stunts--and it was very hard not to visualize him with Callista Flockhart once or twice--especially whenever he held, or gazed at, that skeletal object at the centre of this plot.
Shia LaBeouf? Honestly, how long must we put up with Disney trained actors before Hollywood realizes that Disney does not automatically equivocate thespian perfection? The boy needs to go to school and learn the classics...
No one else really gains merit to be critiqued here.

There are others destined for the "Naughty" list, but they will have to wait as I'm tired, in want of a good night's rest and have yet to start the "Nice" list. Moving on, then!

NICE LIST:

My Blueberry Nights
-starring Jude Law and Norah Jones

Did you do a double take? Yes, I wrote "starring Norah Jones"...the singer. This surprising little indie film was filled with visual splendor as it was simple. Set in New York, you follow a heartbroken girl through a year of her life...but unlike so many movies celebrating the ugly, this film was written to acknowledge that pain exists, but should not become the object of life. That life moves on, and those who focus on self-pity and pain will become shells of who they were. It also celebrates the very real fact that moving from place to place will afford you new friends along with life experience--and give you appreciation for those you may have left behind. I believe this simple, sweet film explores the hidden beauty behind a stranger's eyes --simplified to the analogy of left-over blueberry pie.
Jude Law is particular eye-candy in this film (despite his lack of judgment regarding nannies), and Nora Jones is DELIGHTFUL--proving once again that true artists will find their talents blossom all the more they explore the many faceted forms of art. Enjoy!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
-starring Ron Perlman
While everyone in Tinseltown is banking on superheroes, many overlook how brilliant director Guillermo del Toro is in his dark and creative superhero epic. Indeed, Batman, the Fantastic Four and Ironman all have their pull, but for those of us who enjoy del Toro's fantastic creativity and exploration of the art of storytelling--we could not wait until the release of this film. Perlman plays a devilishly delightful (sorry...couldn't help it!) "Hellboy", with his sarcastic remarks and larger-than-life personality. The plot was complex, and the costuming was as innovative as the first in the series.
Bravo!

Therese (1986)
-starring Catherine Mouchet

I picked this little film up from the local library, as I hadn't seen this particular film on the life of St. Therese, and having been so disillusioned by the latest film travesty by Leonardo DeFillipis, I wanted to improve my minds eye version of the life of one of my favorite Saints. I'd also like to add that, other than Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, no other religious-based film out of the United States in the last few years has been worth mentioning--but the Europeans have had brilliant (and might I add LOW BUDGET) films worth seeing again and again: Padre Pio; Quo Vadis; Faustina; St. Francis; Into Great Silence to name a few...and now, adding this delightful film!!
With minimalist setting, the film places a lot of pressure on the cast, especially Mouchet, to captivate the viewer by personalizing their characters. I believe this is even more difficult knowing that "A Story of a Soul" has been read by millions, and St. Therese known and loved all the more! Mouchet is simply phenomenal in her portrayal of this great and simple woman--most endearing is her smile. It also is a wonderment that Mouchet looks so uncommonly like St. Therese--almost identical to her pictures! And, of course, one must mention the entire film is in French, making the entirety of the film more realistic.
I was in awe, and unlike my normal self, still am at loss for the proper words to describe this film. Definitely see it. You will not regret doing so!

G'Night, ladies and gents...I will continue, I promise!
Pax et Bonum

Anticipation, Argumentation and other "A" words...

2008-11-10T14:33:00.000-08:00

Indeed, once again, it has been an awfully long time since I've written anything in the way of updates, etc. In addition to this, I've been quite negligent in maintaining contact with most of my friends...an unfortunate aspect to my personality when living/working/experiencing difficult times. Mea Culpa. So, for those interested, here's a little update to my life, as it is at present. I am, once again, living in Indiana.

I made the decision to move back into my parent's home after leaving my job as a teacher in PA, and having little prospects for employment out on the East Coast. I promised myself a year of auditioning in NYC, and trying to make contacts for musical theatre. This was made even more difficult while working full-time, but after two years of barely making a living...well, I needed time to regroup (financially) and rethink my future. This was, though, a major blow to my life-desires. Has anyone else had a similar blow...when you get to a point where, when someone asks you what your "dream job" would be...or what your goals are in life...you end up with a blank expression and really nothing to say? I honestly have NO idea why I was put here on earth. My life honestly seems to have no meaning or direction...like a boat adrift, without oars or sail. If you have an inspirational life-story where you were, at one time, down and out and without direction---and willing to share--please do. You have NO idea how much that would help me right now. These are the conclusions I have deduced since my (humiliating) return to Indiana in June: a) I refuse to continue working within the service industry. There is no future for me in this career field...and even if there was, I know that working 40 hrs. a week for $7.00/hr at Starbucks will not afford me the opportunities to work towards a Masters Degree...never mind the basic paying of bills and cost of supporting myself. b) I have the unfortunate position of holding a BA, being published and still unable to land a job that pays higher than $32,000 (and THAT offer was for Monterrey, CA--could translate in cost of living to about $22,000/year here in Indiana). c) I refuse to continue living in my present situation. My parents are tired of me (oh, no...don't get me started on that) and I'm OVER living on "charity". I am 26 years old, for God's sake! I need independence and a life! After surveying the situation as it stands, I have come to the conclusion that I have no other real prospects other than applying for a Commission as an officer in the Military. Many of my friends and even my spiritual director has asked me if this is what I want. I reply, simply, that I really have no other options here. I mean...I'm working at Starbucks!
At least, as an officer, I'll have the chance to train for something that will be valued both in the military and...if I end up not liking the military as a profession...outside in civilian world. So this is my drive. I HATE training for OCS. I HATE EVERY SINGLE SECOND of running...there is nothing that can change my mind on this. While I run, I try EVERYTHING to stop thinking about running...and still, in the back of my mind, I hear "you can't do this". But I have to. I have to because I simply cannot continue in the life that I'm living right now. That is why I've gone "hermitess" in the last few months. I've had no desire to meet up with people here in Lafayette. I have no desire to make friends. I want to make my life so miserable as to add fuel to the fire of motivation and drive to get into the Military. It worked for a while, but now that I've turned my application package into the Navy...and now that I must sit back and wait until December Boards, all I can do is work at Starbucks...eat, sleep and train for OCS... UGGH I think another real set-back for me is the knowledge of how, in my past experiences, I sucked at all things physical. The 13 weeks at OCS is pretty much all physical...and I'm already counting myself as being one of the ones "rolled" out of the class because of my poor endurance in running, etc. I KNOW I'm a strong personality with strong leadership/motivational skills for others...but I also know my weaknesses. The DI's will know really quickly, as well...and will exploit them. I fear failure at this because I anticipate it...I tried running with the Purdue ROTC guys about a month ago...5:30 AM in the morning, on my day off. I ended up lagging far behind (making them run in circles until I caught up) and sucking at the PT stuff in the sand-pits in between the running. In my experience, there are two types of people in this world. There are those who, in the face of challenges and almost absolute defeat, will take these as motivators for success. And then there are people like me, who, having met with defeat after defeat...see a challenge and just want to run and hide...and if that's not an option, just endure to survive it...who struggle and never really do get that "break" in life. I see OCS and my physical challenges there as if it's already inevitable...I've never been in the kind of shape they're going to expect me to be in by the time I get there. I just don't see me successful. And yet, this is my only option. I honestly have nothing else. So, I have to try. This "nada" is my motivation...negative though it may be. That and I really want to have approval and respect from my parents. It's an unfortunate thing for a first-born to admit that, despite the fact he/she worked hard to achieve a degree, they cannot obtain a job that will afford them stability and independence. I see my life as a failure through their eyes, and this is probably the most difficult thing to bear in all this. So, again, my "hermitess" state was nothing personal against any of you. I love and count on my friends! It's, rather, to spare you all from the dark cloud which hovers over my life in general, right now...and also spare me from seeking any real consolation from those who I know are generous in giving it. I really think that this misery will be the only way I'll be able to "look forward" to the 13 weeks of absolute HELL at OCS. I also admit that not having you all in my life, and not being able to share in yours has been very difficult for me. Actually, I HATE this. I HATE being alone, and feeling ostracized. I promise you, though, that when I do make it though OCS, I'll be happier and a much better person for it--because not only will I be serving my Country, I'll also be able to be proud of my achievements--and actually rewarded for them through financial/vocational stability. Please keep praying for me. I really do need a break...something to make these life-challenges seem a bit more positive rather than negative.
PAX!

Reliving the Memories...

2008-08-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

Greetings, one and all! I promise to post again, soon...but I wanted to share an article from the LA Times, in which I was quoted...back in 2005. Wow. The LA Times! lol
Pax

Crowd Cheers, Sings, Prays

By Alissa J. Rubin
April 20, 2005 in print edition A-6

As white smoke streamed Tuesday from the slender chimney on the roof of the Sistine Chapel where the cardinals met to elect a new pope, the crowd of tens of thousands filling St. Peter’s Square surged forward.

They shouted with excitement: “Habemus papam!” (We have a pope!)

Some cheered, some sang. Many whipped out cellphones and typed in the words “white smoke.”

But when Chilean Cardinal Jorge Arturo Medina Estevez announced that the new leader of the world’s 1 billion Roman Catholics was Joseph Ratzinger, electricity seemed to give way to matter-of-factness.

“We don’t know much about him, except that he’s quite closely linked with John Paul II,” said Ursula Kelly of County Derry, Ireland, who was in Rome with her husband for their 15th wedding anniversary. “But we’re just so glad to see it.”

Some groups applauded, some cheered, but the overwhelming sentiment was that a larger figure loomed over the scene – Pope John Paul II, who died this month.

“It’s a hard act to follow. He is the only pope I’ve known,” said Paul Anderson, 25, a resident advisor for Chicago’s Loyola University semester abroad program in Rome who had come to the square every day since John Paul fell gravely ill.

Ratzinger seemed to sense John Paul’s shadow as well. When he emerged onto the marble balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica overlooking the square, the first sentence he uttered as Benedict XVI was an acknowledgment of his predecessor’s power.

“After the great Pope John Paul II, the cardinals have elected me – a simple, humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord,” he said in Italian.

He raised his arms in greeting, turning from side to side, clasped his hands together and blew a kiss to the crowd, which filled the vast square and spilled into adjoining streets. The new pope appeared a bit stiff, perhaps not yet used to performing before a vast public.

Cardinal Justin Rigali of Philadelphia, who was looking down on the same crowd from an adjacent balcony, later described a scene of majesty as he gazed over St. Peter’s Square. “I was on the balcony to the right and what a view it was! All these tens of thousands of people and the wonderful welcome they gave the new pope. You heard them chant ‘Benedetto, Benedetto,’ ” the new pope’s name in Italian. “So it started off well,” he said.

Silvana Dal Mas, an elderly nun of the Daughters of the Heart of Jesus who had come to Rome for the conclave, elbowed her way to the very front of the crowd. She said she would have preferred a Latin American pope, but when Ratzinger was named she quickly adjusted her sights.

“I am happy,” she said, looking up at the balconies filled with cardinals. “People think the Germans are hard, but I come from near the border with Austria and when the Germans love, it’s sincere. This pope will

Mario Marazziti, the spokesman and a founding member of the Community of Sant’Egidio, a Catholic activist group that works with the poor and refugees, raced to St. Peter’s Square when he heard about the white smoke. He found himself surprised by the new pope’s demeanor.

To Marazziti, the usually stern Ratzinger seemed awestruck, even timid, as he stood on the balcony of the basilica, looking out at the crowd that had assembled to greet him.

“I think he was uncertain; he was intimidated tonight,” Marazziti said. “He used minimalist words. And all of us today are the children of John Paul II who regard this strong and timid man

Most excited about his election were groups of young people who had been devoted to John Paul II and were eager to transfer their affections to a new spiritual leader.

Bree Dail, 23, who attends Christendom College in Front Royal, Va., snagged a seat in the front row on Monday and Tuesday along with a handful of her fellow students so that she could watch the new pope close up. She had spent much of the day saying the rosary with her friends, hoping the cardinals would come to a decision.

When she heard Ratzinger’s name, she leapt up, shouting and cheering. She, like so many others, could not help but associate him with the previous pope. “They gave us the best, [Ratzinger] has the heart of the Holy Father,” she said, referring to John Paul. “We are happy, we are ecstatic, it’s like we have a father.”

The day was overcast and chilly. Dark clouds scudded across the sky, making it hard to tell if the initial curl of smoke rising at dusk from the Sistine Chapel was gray tending to black, or gray tending to white.

The piazza that saw scattered groups of people earlier in the day appeared suddenly to have filled to bursting. A group of Spanish nuns leapt onto chairs and began to chant, “We have a pope!”

An older nun reproved them. “You don’t know for certain yet,” she said.

As the crowd, seeing the white smoke, called out “bianco, bianco,” a priest with his cellphone glued to one ear came out on one of the terraces that sits atop the majestic colonnade surrounding St. Peter’s Square and gestured frantically at the bell tower.

John Paul had decreed that in addition to sending up white smoke, the Vatican should ring the bells to announce a papal selection.

When the chimes finally were heard, the ringing was overwhelmed by the roar of the crowd, relieved and excited that the election of a new pope was real. Some waved papal flags, others flags from their home countries – Germany and Honduras, Mexico and the United States. As people waited, there were lulls in the cheers and some began to sing Italian hymns or chant prayers in Latin.

Vatican staff members – priests, nuns and lay workers – came out onto the roofs of the buildings surrounding St. Peter’s to watch the ceremony. News photographers and TV camera operators positioned themselves amid the statues that crown the colonnade.

As the cardinals prepared to introduce the new pope, assistants unfurled a velvet banner with the seal of John Paul and hung it in front of the papal balcony. Then, the grand glass doors were opened and, in a dramatic entrance, a long, deep red curtain was pushed aside to make way for the new pope.

The 115 elector cardinals gathered on adjoining balconies, their scarlet cassocks and skullcaps contrasting sharply with the white marble. It created a vivid tableau but also a moment of sober ceremony as they watched one of their own move into the most elite post in Christendom.

After a greeting and a few words, Ratzinger spoke in Italian. “I entrust myself to your prayers.” And the crowd chanted his new papal name.

With the dusk deepening and a damp wind rising, he ducked back inside the basilica.

With the new pope’s departure, the crowd began to drift off. A group known as Papa Boys, an informal youth group that sprang up during John Paul’s jubilee year, rallied a large circle of young Catholics to sing. They were hoping the new pope would make another appearance.

Many, however, who stood on the periphery of the swaying teenagers and 20-somethings had more questions than answers. “We’ll see if he has enough charisma to face this crisis of faith that we have in the church with people drifting away,” said Elena Fonte, 35, a lawyer. “I still think of John Paul II as pope; not of Ratzinger as pope.”

Times staff writers Sebastian Rotella and Geraldine Baum contributed to this report.

Happy Feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe!

2008-08-13T19:18:00.001-07:00

August 14 is the Feast day of the World War II Hero and Martyr, St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe.

Below is an account of the life and martyrdom of my dear Patron Saint. To all my fellow MI's: I pray for a plethora of blessings in solidarity with you, on the day of our founder and Patron!

(1894 - 1941)

Maximilian Kolbe (January 8, 1894–August 14, 1941), also known as Maksymilian or Massimiliano Maria Kolbe and “Apostle of Consecration to Mary,” born as Rajmund Kolbe, was a Polish Conventual Franciscan friar who volunteered to die in place of a stranger in the Nazi concentration camp of Auschwitz in Poland.

He was canonized by the Catholic Church as Saint Maximilian Kolbe on October 10, 1982 by Pope John Paul II, and declared a martyr of charity. He is the patron saint of drug addicts, political prisoners, families, journalists, prisoners and the pro-life movement. Pope John Paul II declared him the “The Patron Saint of Our Difficult Century”.

Maximilian Kolbe was born in January 1894 in Zduńska Wola, which was at that time part of Russian Empire. Maximilian was the second son of Julius Kolbe and Maria Dabrowska. His father was an ethnic German and his mother of Polish origins. He had four brothers, Francis, Joseph, Walenty (who lived a year) and Andrew (who lived 4 years). His parents moved to Pabianice where they worked first as basket weavers. Later his mother worked as a midwife (often donating her services), and owned a shop in part of her rented house which sold groceries and household goods. Julius Kolbe worked at the Krushe and Ender Mill and also worked on rented land where he grew vegetables. In 1914 Julius joined Józef Piłsudski’s Polish Legions and was captured by the Russians for fighting for the independence of a partitioned Poland.

In 1907 Kolbe and his elder brother Francis decided to join the Conventual Franciscans. They illegally crossed the border between Russia and Austria-Hungary and joined the Conventual Franciscan junior seminary in Lwów. In 1910 Kolbe was allowed to enter the novitiate. He professed his first vows in 1911, adopting the name Maximilian, and the final vows in 1914, in Rome, adopting the names Maximilian Maria, to show his veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

In 1912 he was sent to Kraków, and in the same year to a college in Rome, where he studied philosophy, theology, mathematics, and physics. He earned a doctorate in philosophy in 1915 at the Pontifical Gregorian University, and the doctorate in theology in 1919 at the Pontifical University of St. Bonaventure. During his time as a student, he witnessed vehement demonstrations against Popes St. Pius X and Benedict XV in Rome and was inspired to organize the Militia Immaculata, or Army of Mary, to work for conversion of sinners and the enemies of the Catholic Church through the intercession of the Virgin Mary. The Immaculata friars utilized the most modern printing and administrative techniques in publishing catechetical and devotional tracts, a daily newspaper with a circulation of 230,000 and a monthly magazine with a circulation of over one million.

In 1918 Kolbe was ordained a priest. In 1919 he returned to the newly independent Poland, where he was very active in promoting the veneration of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, founding and supervising the monastery of Niepokalanów near Warsaw, a seminary, a radio station and several other organizations and publications. Between 1930 and 1936 he took a series of missions to Japan, where he founded a monastery at the outskirts of Nagasaki, a Japanese paper and a seminary. The monastery he founded remains prominent in the Roman Catholic Church in Japan. Kolbe decided to build the monastery on a mountain side that, according to Shinto beliefs, was not the side best suited to be in tune with nature. When the atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki, Kolbe’s monastery was saved because the blast of the bomb hit the other side of the mountain, which took the main force of the blast. Had Kolbe built the monastery on the preferred side of mountain as he was advised, his work and all of his fellow monks would have been destroyed.

During the Second World War he provided shelter to refugees from Greater Poland, including 2,000 Jews whom he hid from Nazi persecution in his friary in Niepokalanów. He was also active as a radio amateur, with Polish call letters SP3RN, vilifying Nazi activities through his reports.

On February 17, 1941 he was arrested by the German Gestapo and imprisoned in the Pawiak prison, and on May 25 was transferred to Auschwitz I as prisoner #16670.

On June 15, 1941, he managed to write a letter to his mother:

"Dear Mama, At the end of the month of May I was transferred to the camp of Auschwitz. Everything is well in my regard. Be tranquil about me and about my health, because the good God is everywhere and provides for everything with love. It would be well that you do not write to me until you will have received other news from me, because I do not know how long I will stay here. Cordial greetings and kisses, affectionately. Raymond."

At night Fr. Kolbe moved from bunk to bunk, saying: "I am a Catholic priest. Can I do anything for you?"

A prisoner later recalled how he and several others often crawled across the floor at night to be near the bed of Father Kolbe, to make their confessions and ask for consolation. Father Kolbe pleaded with his fellow prisoners to forgive their persecutors and to overcome evil with good. When he was beaten by the guards, he never cried out. Instead, he prayed for his tormentors.

To discourage escapes, Auschwitz had a rule that if a man escaped, ten men would be killed in retaliation. In July 1941, a man from Kolbe's bunker escaped. One of the ten selected, Franciszek Gajowniczek, sobbed "My poor wife. My poor children - what will they do?" Fr. Kolbe stepped silently forward, took off his cap, and stood before the commandant and said, "I am a Catholic priest. Let me take his place. I am old. He has a wife and children."
The Nazi commandant asked, "What does this Polish pig want?"

Father Kolbe pointed with his hand to the condemned Franciszek Gajowniczek and repeated "I am a Catholic priest from Poland; I would like to take his place, because he has a wife and children."

Mr. Gajowniczek would later recall:

"I could only thank him with my eyes. I was stunned and could hardly grasp what was going on.

The immensity of it: I, the condemned, am to live and someone else willingly and voluntarily offers his life for me - a stranger. Is this some dream?
I was put back into my place without having had time to say anything to Maximilian Kolbe. I was saved. And I owe to him the fact that I could tell you all this. The news quickly spread all round the camp. It was the first and the last time that such an incident happened in the whole history of Auschwitz.
For a long time I felt remorse when I thought of Maximilian. By allowing myself to be saved, I had signed his death warrant. But now, on reflection, I understood that a man like him could not have done otherwise. Perhaps he thought that as a priest his place was beside the condemned men to help them keep hope. In fact he was with them to the to the last.'‘

Father Kolbe along with t he other victims were left t o starve in Building 13. Maximilian Kolbe encouraged the others with prayers, psalms, and meditations on the Passion of Christ. After two weeks, only four were alive. The cell was needed for more victims so the camp executioner came in and injected a lethal dose of carbolic acid into the left arm of each of the four dying men. Kolbe was the only one still fully conscious. With a prayer on his lips, the last prisoner raised his arm for the executioner.

Bruno Borgowiec gave a personal testimony about Maximilian Kolbe’s death to his parish priest before he died in 1947:

"The ten condemned to death went through terrible days. From the underground cell in which they were shut up there continually arose the echo of prayers and canticles. The man in-charge of emptying the buckets of urine found them always empty. Thirst drove the prisoners to drink the contents. Since they had grown very weak, prayers were now only whispered. At every inspection, when almost all the others were now lying on the floor, Father Kolbe was seen kneeling or standing in the centre as he looked cheerfully in the face of the SS men.Father Kolbe never asked for anything and did not complain, rather he encouraged the others, saying that the fugitive might be found and then they would all be freed. One of the SS guards remarked: this priest is really a great man. We have never seen anyone like him ..Two weeks passed in this way. Meanwhile one after another they died, until only Father Kolbe was left. This the authorities felt was too long. The cell was needed for new victims. So one day they brought in the head of the sick-quarters, a German named Bock, who gave Father Kolbe an injection of carbolic acid in the vein of his left arm. Father Kolbe, with a prayer on his lips, himself gave his arm to the executioner. Unable to watch this I left under the pretext of work to be done. Immediately after the SS men had left I returned to the cell, where I found Father Kolbe leaning in a sitting position against the back wall with his eyes open and his head drooping sideways. His face was calm and radiant."

Father Maximilian Kolbe was executed on August 14, 1941 at the age of 47 years. The death certificate indicated the hour of death 12:30. His body was burned in the crematorium.

Father Kolbe was beatified as a confessor by Pope Paul VI in 1971 and was canonized by Pope John Paul II on October 10, 1982 in the presence of Franciszek Gajowniczek. Upon canonization, the Pope declared St. Maximilian Kolbe not a confessor, but a martyr.

What I'm doing now...

2008-07-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

On a plateau...WITH working out?!

Ok, so I'm really starting to get ticked off. For those of you who know or care, I'm trying to get back down to a healthy/thin weight for my 5'6" frame....and have hit a plateau after 5 weeks of strict dieting...really no change. This makes absolutely no sense, as I've been working out like MAD! I've been running 1.5 miles every day, in addition to sit-ups and push-ups, training for Navy OTS.
Granted, I did cheat a bit, when Merrrrrr was in town, but I gained 1lb in 3 days (most of which, I guarantee, was water weight).
So I'm feeling a bit low. I wanted to be at least over 20lbs by this 5th week. I just received my final shipment of Medifast (the diet I'm following)...my budget dictates that this month and a half will be the last before I wean off and begin a low cal diet with more options.
Let's hope I break through this plateau and move onto more lbs lost than the first week of dieting!!!
Below is a compilation of the music I've been listening too, during my daily runs...you might think it's weird, but I LOVE running to the first five songs, esp...the first two are from the soundtrack to the movie "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"...which I obsess over.
Long live Aslan! (I'm such a dork!!!)

Out of work and underpaid...

2008-07-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings ladies and gents!
Recently, as some of you know, I have had to relocate myself BACK to Indiana...this move has all but crushed my spirits while halting all recording projects.

What is most difficult is, at age 26, I have to make quick decisions on the direction of my life. Indeed, I hold a BA, but in History...and what good is it to hold a degree that will gain you nothing in the current job industry? Working at a pub, the busiest one in this college town, will NOT pay the rent (never mind my car loan or insurance), and auditions won't begin for 2009 until later on this fall.
Which leaves me at a very difficult crossroads:

1. I have yet to be picked up by an agent, and have not been given the chance at an AEA card. At 26, I could end up gaining both in the next few years, but realistically I am a bit too old to break in.

2. The show that I've been working on for the past two years, "Espoir de l'Amour", while having great potential, is moving at a snail's pace...at this rate, the show won't even open until 4 years at best, and with me having to leave the East Coast...well, the producers will either start promoting like mad, or will fail to be picked up. My recording end is done, now is waiting time, and nothing seems to be happening.

Both one and two lead me to the conclusion that, at this time, I must admit defeat and move on in order to either get a Masters or start climbing the corporate ladder.

If I do admit defeat, (and I must admit, I've been applying for corporate jobs for about 6 months now), I need to get a job that I can support myself with. I don't want to teach--have been there and done that. I am not qualified for any technological field, but CAN be if I
1) go back to school
2) go through OCS (Officer Candidate School) in one of the branches of the Military

Both will afford me with the chance to actually have a great career, with good benefits and future high-paying jobs. To go to school would mean more debt, and less actual time in the work force. To join the military would mean at least 3 years of my life completely in their control, but with great benefits; a continual flow of cash; status as an Officer and a chance for a great civilian career.

With the past 6 months attesting to the Economic slump (or my poor qualifications--I don't know which)...a few interviews which have come to naught, and more than a few applications with NO response...I believe the military is the best choice.
No, I am not enlisting--again, because I hold a BA, I am qualified to be an officer. No, I am not joining combat branches such as Army or Marines...I am placing my sights on Airforce, Navy or Coast Guard.
And NO...this is not my final decision...
I would love to hear from you all what your thoughts are on this subject of career vs dreams...there are A LOT of out of work actors, and many who have even broken in, who are not working consistently.

Thank you all for your support!
Pax

Homeward Bound...

2008-06-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

Greetings, one and all!
I know it's been an awful long time since I last posted anything worthwhile, but I feel the need to update those interested in what my next move is this year: I'm moving back to Indiana.
Yes, I said it, I'm going home.

After teaching Sacred Music at two elementary schools close to Philadelphia, PA, I am convinced more than ever that I am NOT called to teach on a full-time basis. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE working with kids, and most of the families were really supportive--especially to a new teacher, moving up to Philly half way through the year, with no ties to the community.
I have to believe that teaching comes from a desire to do so...one teaches for a career and love of education, you don't move up in this job--you gain experience. Therefore, if you have any other desires for a career, this one is not for you. I also must add that judging by the feedback, I did a great job this past semester. The kids did learn quite a bit--a good foundation in Gregorian Chant, with some Irish folk music thrown in the mix. I am proud of my accomplishments. I also must add that, especially at one of the schools, the gang-politics was absolutly bizarre as it was innappropriet and unprofessional. I will not be surprised if that particular school suffers major setbacks because of poor administration...the more I work with Catholics, the more I seem to find devision and negativity. This is a sad reality to how the Devil works to undermine the Work of God. We play right into his hands when we are divisive and uncharitable to our neighbors. The Devil will work it so that uncharity is magnified hundredfold in the community...divide and conquer is always his objective. We ought to be more aware of this and more on our guard, especially as Catholics in the USA.

I've always seen myself working in the Biz--using the talents that I have, whether I am performing, directing, writing or producing. I really see myself doing any one of these positions--I think I have the ability to do so, but need to focus and train more. This, therefore, means that I need to place MYSELF as priority number 1, working a job that will offer reasonable pay and reasonable flexibility--looks like I'll be heading back into waitressing while discerning the next step I am to take on this road that is my life.
No worries, though...I feel really at peace with this decision, more so than I have in the last few years.
I hate jumping from job to job, freaking out about bills, etc. I am hoping that a Monday interview at the local Irish Pub in West Lafayette will offer me the chance to work full-time while working on myself and my life situation.

I'm not blinded to the fact that at 26, having had 3 jobs in the last year and a half, and no serious relationship in the last few years...my biological/career clock has begun to tick. So be it. I refuse to be Bridget Jones.
If I am called to marriage, to a family, I know it will come when God desires it. I don't want it sooner than that...especially when my life is so transient, and I am not particularly happy with my career search at the moment. So, like I said, must take this ONE STEP--move back home, re-centre while CHOOSING my next move.

So, at present, this is all that I have to offer as an update. As for my current music projects: Kent and I were working on a few recording projects, and then, two weeks ago, he fell off the face of the earth...or seems to have. I tried contacting him in order to finish recording the ones that just needed tweaking, but have heard nothing in response. I know he knows I'm leaving...sigh. This is one HUGE regret I have in leaving the East Coast...I hate leaving things--esp. pertaining to music, half finished.
Oh, well...I have the ability to work on the projects alone, and perhaps this will give me the chance to begin to write music again. Kent is super busy and I'm betting that he's working overtime, and with a new person of interest in his life, he has very little time to spare on music just now.
On the positive side, I was able to finish recording for the EP of Espoir de l'Amour--the project I've been working on close to Fro Ro, for the last two years. I am really happy with the result, and will have the ability to send copies of the music to you as soon as my producers sends them to me...that's including the FULL recording of "Only and Ocean Away". Stay tuned!

Hey, guys...for those who will be out here in the East Coast...I hope to visit again in the next year. Don't forget me in your prayers, for I'll be sure to mention you in mine...anyways, as C.S. Lewis put it--"Christians never say goodbye".
For those in Indiana...you may see me from time to time, esp. at St. Boniface, but for the next few months I'll be super busy working as well as working out (I seriously am in need of some body-image renewal). Feel free to contact me, though...I'd love to hang out with you all again!

Pax et Bonum!
Bree

A Public Proclaimation or My Take on Contemplation...

2008-03-27T12:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, I came into contact with a fellow artist whom I highly respect, and was eager to earn their respect. It was a privilege to talk a bit with this artist on the challenges one faces in the industry, as well as the great gift it is to be able to contemplate and reflect Truth, Beauty and Goodness in what we do...but as it ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAPPEN TO ME, the subject of spirituality came up. Usually, I don't have a problem discussing my Faith--because it is the firm foundation of my contemplation and therefore, by necessity, my art. This time was different.
I so wanted the artist's approval, a continued conversation, I was hesitant in speaking about it...I was embarrassed to say I was Catholic, that my experience with contemplation can only be attributed to my prayer within my Faith. I was afraid, knowing that the artist's spirituality differed from my own (is based on Eastern meditation), my proclamation of Faith would end our conversation--that they would be turned off by my embrace of Catholicism.

Funny, isn't it, that what can be considered "cool" in our culture many times goes against social norms? Doesn't Catholicism? The Church teachings have never backed down in the face of adversity, but only get stronger. Usually, I'm happy to shock people with the knowledge that I don't care that my Faith is mocked and seen as archaic--that I LOVE my Faith.
Yet, this time I was a coward...and it takes only one time to deny Christ, and I feel that because I skirted the issue of my Faith, I denied my part with Him. It's like, if you have a Friend, and because you want to be friends with someone popular, you don't stand up with and for Him when that friendship is tested. That's horrible. I've had that happen to me...and I really am so sorry that I have done that with the one Friend Who's there for me at all times, no matter what shape I'm in.
Well, I've gone to confession, and am happy for my reception back into the arms of Jesus...but felt the need to express my failings in this...and to explain the following for those who ask about my belief in prayer and/or meditation:

My belief in prayer is this: God is Simple, and wants us to pray simply. There is no need for self-negation, doing violence to our souls to try and "empty" them of passions. We were made with passions, and because of Original Sin, we must strive to redirect them (through pracise, which is also known as VIRTUE) to their proper ends.
Yes, there are times when the heights and depths of the Mystery of God may be briefly unveiled for us--or for those of us who have studied Theology, the Mystery may make a bit more sense...but ultimately, our love of God, and moreover, His boundless and enduring Love for us can only be expressed in silence, adoration and awe. Yet, He also desires us to be lifted in this silence, adoration and awe as much as we possibly can in this life...to continually pray does not mean to pray with words at all times of the day and night, but rather, staying in the Presence of God--rejoicing that a green leaf is so green, that the flowers are blooming such colors--Who came up with the brilliant idea that grass would be this shade of green and not that, that the sky would be light blue then black at night? If we are able to appreciate the art, we will reverence the Creator...and what better way of reverence in contemplation than to reflect in our own creativity, that which we have seen in the works of our Creator, the Divine Artist?
I think this is why churches MUST strive towards Beauty...not "cool" art that comes and goes, but architecture, art and music that express the Mystery of the Divine. I KNOW through experiance that as soon as a person--no matter what creed--enters the Gesu or St. Peter's their breath is taken away...they have to stand there, for a second, to take it all in...everywhere one looks , no matter how small a space, one finds the echoes of Eternity reflected back at them. This is meant to help us, who are prone to wondering minds, to guide us gently back to prayer and meditation on things of Hope and Grace--things that ultimately complete us...and prayer awakens us to God--Who is guiding us all along!

Anyways...please pray for me that next time I might respond better to God's gift of Grace, and not become cowardly at the sight of human praise.

PAX et BONUM!!

Gethsemane - Steve Balsamo

2008-03-17T15:05:00.001-07:00

This is one of my favorite songs about the Passion. Some may think that the words are shallow, etc...but I think it represents a fantastic view Christ's humanity would have gone through in Gethsemani.
Have a grace-filled Holy Week!

RIP Percy the Fish

2008-03-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has happened. He lived a full life--one that lasted almost two years (a normal life cycle for a Beta is a year). I am sad, but saw him failing for about a month, now...but I also know I prob. could have changed his water one last time...so I might have killed him as well. Poor Percy. That's ok, I'm going to get another Beta this afternoon. I wonder what I shall name him? Perhaps Sebastian Flyte. Perhaps Percy again...or perhaps Mr. Darcy the fish....something out of those classical books I've been reading. How about Mr. Edward Rochester? I'll take the new fish's picture, and perhaps you all can help with suggestions! Pax!!

And so life goes...

2008-03-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

I know, I know...'tis been a long time since my last post. To be honest, I really have wanted to write for ages, but also stopped myself because what I wanted to write, I dreaded writing.
A popular saying in times like mine is "God Works in Mysterious Ways". Does He, now!
For those who do not know, I'll remind you that at this time, last year, I was training with United Airlines as a Flight Attendant and finishing my thesis with C-dom. Seems ages ago. Despite the drama, and the lack of pay, I do miss flying all over the world. I miss the freedom I had when I landed to do what I liked, and the freedom that comes with responsibility for others. I was part of a great group of people, I must admit, even if their morale was at an all-time low for OBVIOUS reasons. Do I want to go back? Maybe when I retire. IF I retire...I don't think I could stand not being able to pay my bills for six weeks, and be treated like I was under the incompetent management of United Airlines...but wait! I wouldn't go with United anyways, so...

What about my job here in PA? Well, I like kids...I really do...and you already know I love Music...but the combination of the two doesn't mix well with me. The schools really ought to have a teacher who was trained in pedagogie (i.e. who, from the foundation of their studies, really WANTED to teach kids). I was not, nor have I ever been interested in teaching. Actually, for those who know me, you may recall me declaring I NEVER wanted to teach. It really isn't the teaching that bothers me...kids need music, to be sure! Rather, if you recall that other famous statement that "Those who can't do, teach"...well, that's how I'm feeling right now. I want to move away to a place that speaks to the heart and mind, that inspires and makes me feel invigorated. Perhaps I need a vacation.
I am grateful for the opportunity to broaden my resume and try something new. I am grateful for a roof over my head and a monthly check that covers most of my bills. I just feel that I've been made for something other than this, and I wish that God would find a moment to show me a glimpse of that road I need to walk. Granted, I don't really deserve that at all...especially as I continue to fall in and out of sin...but I hate being 26 years old, single, and barely making ends meet. I have no direction now...I once dreamed of the theatre, but after my failure at the Barter auditions, and hearing nothing from my last NYC audition...well, I just think that if I had been granted better opportunities when I was younger (say the ability to go to Interlochen), or not have had moral qualms when it comes to the OTHER way of getting noticed in the biz, I may have had a better shot at being casted. I think my shots are slimmer now then ever--I've been out of stage-work for two years, and can't afford an acting coach--not to mention Grad School.
The show (in Fro Ro) I've been working on for the last two years hasn't gone anywhere, and I think that I must move on in search of other venues--I'm getting too old to "break-in" at this point.

Honestly, I feel really lost at this point. My driving point used to be going towards that goal of working in Musical Theatre...that passion has left a big void now, because it is exactly that ideal JUST out of reach. I still see it, burning my minds eye with the splendor and joy of just acting for love of the art--and sharing that with the audience.
The London job this summer may or may not happen--I won't know until next month--so in the meantime, I must think of other jobs I might take for summer work. I'm thinking about just packing up and moving down to Ft. Walton Beach or Miami...or going to the West Coast. I don't have any prospects--nothing. Probably end up working at some bar or Starbucks...but I just don't know right now. I think a change of scenery is enevitable, though...by June, I'm out of the Henkle's apartment.
Sorry about all this depressiveness, but since I rarely talk with my family, and Christine is all the way down in DC...this is my only other outlet.

I think I'll be heading to Indiana for Easter...my Grandmother will be there, and my parents will return home Easter Day from a vacation. It'll be nice to be with Grandma...and I might just have a chance to bring boxes of stuff for storage, home with me. We shall see. Indiana doesn't have much in the way of prospects for future jobs...but, who knows?

My question is...how does one land well-paying jobs? Some of my friends have been ultra-lucky in landing great jobs right after graduation...others have chosen higher education or the education profession. In the last three years, I have had five jobs...working for the Winery, Starbucks, United, a nanny position and now as a music teacher. I've been in a convent for two years before that and finished a BA in History. I've also worked crap-jobs included the night-shift construction/remodeling crew for Wal-Mart in Indiana. I'm tired of living check-to-check. The only other opportunity that is being given to me at this point is to go into the military...and I'm not so sure I want to sell my freedom for five years of tour-duty. The thing is, though, I would be trained for better opportunities after leaving the military...something I can't even be guaranteed if I went to Grad School.

I leave myself (and you, dear readers) with some lines from the song, "Everybody is free to wear sunscreen":

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's...Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't....

I guess, by this standard, I am one INTERESTING person.

She Moved Through the Fair

2008-02-22T07:02:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Mary L. for all the fun that weekend! Enjoy.

Intense Angst...Cyrano would cry!

2008-02-06T12:47:00.001-08:00

I must say I am disappointed...ONCE again...at the level of foolishness and incompetence in the artistic world, today.
Granted, I might be allowing a bit of my pride to seep in here, but when Mary L. and I decided to enter the Philadelphia Opera's contest for tickets to see their newest opera, based on Cyrano de Bergerac, I couldn't help but anticipate a win. Seriously, Mary's literary talent is well known--her wit and style cannot be easily contested. I was sure we had a chance with her entry, alone...I guess we were mistaken because OBVIOUSLY, the winners were GENIUS...snicker...
Actually, I believe there would be copious tears from Cyrano...lamenting the idiocy of some of these compositions. They remind me of the expressions the character "Christian" tries to exclaim in the play...the consequences being Cyrano's ardent desire to REPLACE them with his own ballads for love of the ART of loving, itself...not to mention for love of the women both admire. In plain English, they lacked all possible artistic and literal beauty, and rather than be published, need be burned!

Here's a copy of my own submission. I thought, "why not write in the person of ANOTHER romantic hero--one who I am quite familiar with? PERFECT!" I ask you, was it worth a MENTION in comparison to the winners and honorable mentions? If I am wrong, do burst this bubble of pride!

The following has been written by myself in the character of Sir Percival Blakeney, Baronet, hero of the novel series, the Scarlet Pimpernel, authored by the Baroness Orczy. The circumstances surrounding said note are Sir Percy’s imprisonment under anticipation of execution at dawn by his formidable enemy, Chauvelin. Thus is his last farewell written to his beloved wife, Marguerite...

Beloved of my heart, indeed my life’s breath…

Methinks I have but little time to somehow express what only a heart’s ache can conjure, what m’ eyes could only mirror, m’ lips express through the worship of a kiss. I have been so wrong, so very harsh to your dear heart these past long months, I can hardly tear myself from this hateful muse…m’ self-made penance. I must try to explain how ardently I have longed for you even, and especially, when I shunned your presence, played the witless fop, the inane and uncaring fool. It must be this demmed sense of honor, you see, that closed m’ heart to you the night you revealed your character role, that dark and foreboding part you played in the death of m’ friend St. Cyr—That you, the one who held m’ heart in the palm of her hand, had used that same hand against a fellow human being, leading to his death in the hands of m’ enemies, caused me such unbearable anguish. What was I to do, torn as I was? You had broken me, something no man had yet accomplished, and yet I loved you all the more. You, m’ dearest, loveliest…you had captured the best of me, and what was left was a shell of a man. I could only but try and replace the thought of you with a higher cause outside m’ self or perish from a heart no longer willing to be alone—a heart who had seen Heaven itself, but now was forbidden to enter.

How I regret every unuttered word, every night spent apart from you. M’ life has been folly, and I would gladly forfeit all I am and have if I had but one more moment with you, that you might see and know I have never really been distant from you—that where you were, I could not help but be, for our hearts were made one even before our vows consecrated our flesh. It is for this I must beg your forgiveness, your benevolence, your love, when I am gone…as I shall be, I fear, all too soon. I forbid you to cry, your precious tears have already purged so much of what has passed between us, I fear each one will condemn me even more as my soul passes to the hereafter. I wish you now only to laugh, to be free, to live your life knowing you have been and will always be loved—that you have been the life of goodness to a man so very unworthy, but so very willing to accept you all in all! Odds m’life, can I ever forgive myself for causing you even a moment’s worth of pain? Ah, but your forgiveness would heal all my wounds, would succor this poor soul yearning to breathe you in one more time…Even now, my hand trembles as if all my strength could break through the powers of space and time to where you are…that this poor fool’s heart might once more stir your own, that you despise me no longer.

Now, Darling, you know the truth. I hold nothing back and rejoice that in this, at least, you will find comfort. I must leave you now, but only for a little while methinks. It will only be but a few short years, and we shall be together again…this time, for evermore!

I leave you my heart, my love and unending devotion…I shall worship you even from above. Do not despise me too much for not loving you as you deserve. I kiss you in my heart, and there you shall stay—my strength, my joy, my all.

My all in all, with loving adoration…

Your Percy

Big Auditions in NYC

2008-01-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

Well, now...although I am not anywhere close to my ideal physical condition, I AM nevertheless auditioning up in NYC this weekend!!
This audition differs from the others I have had simply because it is WAY open--anyone may be there, and my guess is everyone who is interested in musical theatre will be there--it's free if you preregister which, of course, I did.
The auditions will host a number of agencies representing major shows now playing on B-Way. I am going with no expectations--just for the fun and excitement and continue work towards that distant star-of-a-dream that one day, perhaps, I might too share my love for the stage. I believe I will someday.
I still don't know the song that I'll be singing...all 16 bars of it. It's really down to "A New Life" from Jekyll and Hyde or "I'll Forget You" from Scarlet Pimpernel. GRRRRRR! Mary L. will be accompanying me to the City (I hope), and will help me decide my song this evening.

Kent and I are planning on beginning to record, in the next few weeks, a musical theatre demo. Although we've spoken about it, Cyrus Artz doesn't know that he'll be involved with many of the girl/guy duets!! Gotta get in touch with him about dates, as soon as dates are set up!
Well, that's all for now, folks. Teaching has gone well, I love the kids--although it can be a bit overwhelming at times (especially when I have to punish them). I'm also teaching myself piano. AACK!
Will blog more at or after the auditions! Don't wish me luck, hope I break a leg...(don't ask, actor's superstition!)

Funny Face

2008-01-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

I was exceedingly bored, today, after school...and instead of being productive, I turned on TCM and browsed the internet...ending up at MyHeritage.com where I had some fun uploading my picture to see what old-time movie starlet I looked like. Funny how I ended up with three of my favorites--Joan Crawford, Betty Davis and Carole Lombard. Actually, whilst I was packing a few weeks ago, Kent ended up entranced with a great Betty Davis film entitled, "All This and Heaven Too". I recommend it--fantastic movie. Although, I must admit, I'd much rather look like the young Jane Seymour with her perfect nose or the feisty, Irish Colleen, Maureen O'Hara--both of whom I consider absolute feminine perfection,

the former three are great actresses...who could make themselves equally as sultry and beautiful as ugly or cruel...that's great for stage...
So I decided to add the morphs of two of my black and white head shots with Mrs' Davis and Lombard--just for kicks!
The Morphs are posted below, for fun!

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A New Year, a New Job and a New Life...

2008-01-09T09:01:00.001-08:00

A New Life - What I wouldn't give To have a new life! One thing I have learned As I go through life: Nothing is for free Along the way! A new start - That's the thing I need, To give me new heart - Half a chance in life To find a new part, Just a simple role That I can play. A new hope - Something to convince me To renew hope! A new day, Bright enough To help me find my way! A new chance - One that maybe has A touch of romance. Where can it be, The chance for me? A new dream - I have one I know That very few dream! I would like to see That overdue dream - Even though It never may come true! A new love - Though I know there's no Such thing as true love - Even so, Although I never knew love, Still I feel that One dream is my due! A new world - This one thing I want To ask of you, world - Once! - Before it's time To say adieu, world! One sweet chance to Prove the cynics wrong! A new life - More and more, I'm sure, As I go through life, Just to play the game -, And to pursue life - Just to share its pleasures, And belong! - That's what I've been here for, All along! Each day's A brand new life!
- Lyrics from Frank Wildehorn's "Jekyll and Hyde".

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have started a brand new life up in PA, teaching wonderful children the art of fine music. So much has happened in the last year, I can only hope that the year to come will be one filled with joy and all good things--for all of you as well as for myself.

I shan't go into much detail, but the trip to move up here was filled with the usual bad luck I have grown accustomed to (but still not accept well). My four-month old car blew a tire in MD--yes, I say blew because it literally popped...to save the nasty details, suffice it to say it took 3 days rather than three hours to get up to PA. UGGH. Well, now, that was in 2007. So far in 2008, I have started a new job, have a new apartment and am able to pay my bills. Yippee!

Christine commented on how happy I sounded on the phone the other night. I thought in my head that, yes, even though I did have three cups of coffee that day, I am so much more happier than I have been for awhile. This may sound silly to you Saints out there, but financial stability make me happy (or happier, at least). I like the idea of being just and working and paying my bills. I like the idea that I am going to be able to start saving, start investing, start acting like an independent adult. These last few months have really taken their toll, let me tell you. I feel hundreds of years older--seriously, OLDER than what I really am. I still am lacking the enthusiasm I had a few years ago...seem to be a bit more melancholic and serious and reluctant to meet and trust new people than I was previously. Perhaps this is "wisdom", but I see it more as a shame. I hope I regain that lost innocence...that lost enthusiasm, even though I am well able to feign it, I think it is healthy to actually BELIEVE. I think that might also be equated to HOPE.

Thank you all for your kind comments on my last post. Depressive though it sounded, I use this blog not only to write about art and entertainment, but also as sort of "out"--a free forum to express myself without reservation. Forgive me if it bores, or worse, upsets you.

Over the holidays, Christine, Kent and I went to see "Sweeney Todd", the newest musical creation by Tim Burton. As you all well know, I am a BIT of a musical fanatic, but even with the rage that was Sweeney on stage, I honestly had no interest in listening to the music up until now. I am usually not a fan of theatre glorifying grit and grime without consequence...but I was ignorant that this story actually EMBRACES the classical tragedy to the utmost--unlike, say, Jekyll and Hyde. Firstly, the story is based off of the opera "The Barber of Seville", (thank you Miss Mary L. for that enlightening fact), and ends with real consequences--unlike Jekyll and Hyde or Rent.

The music is fantastic--using just the right amount of discord to go with the scenes--unlike Andrew Loyd Webber's "Woman in White" which is nothing BUT discord. I haven't been able to stop listening to the soundtrack--once again, BRAVO to two of my favorite actors, Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp. Both, by the way, had little vocal training when they went in studio for this. Depp said it would take him away from his character to focus merely on vocal technique, and so he worked with a musician friend on the music, but cared little about sounding "good". This man can really, do no wrong! His vocal talent was superb, as was Carter's. I'd love to see them both on stage. What a treat, no? Just a funny side note, Christine and I laughed throughout the movie, and ended up craving hot dogs in the middle of it--forcing Kent to go retrieve them for us. The movie, though fantastic, is NOT for the faint of heart or stomach...I guess Christine and I just have a very DARK, very DRY sense of humor...lol

Oh, there is so much more to write about...but for now, I think this is enough. I plan to write more often in the coming months, as I now have an actual schedule...but until my next post, I do hope you all have a fine beginning to this new year!!

Seeking a Job...Seeking Life's Meaning...

2007-12-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

It's been about a month, now, since I left United--and, on top of not being reimbursed for medical expenses I had to pay out of pocket while working for them--I am struggling to make ends meet. Many of you know that.
Tonight, I was grading papers while "It's A Wonderful Life" was playing in the background. I ended up sobbing at the end of it--which is really not like me. It's hard for me to watch that movie, especially right now when life aint that "wonderful". Life has handed me a real trial, and I've yet to conquer it...rather, the trial has taken its toll and has almost conquered me. Each day I am observing how much society has changed since that final scene in the movie, when George Bailey's friends all rally around him to support him financially when he's about to be crushed under the weight of debt he cannot hope to pay. Gone are the days when men seek to uplift and respect one another--today, big companies take advantage of the working man, because they know he cannot financially risk a fight against them; other men lie and cheat their way to success, at the price of their fellows. I don't know if I can live a normal life in this world, where merit and hard work, where integrity and honor are no longer valued.
I was offered the job I interviewed for in PA, and the people there are so kind and so uplifting. But the price I'd have to pay seems so steep, too risky--I'd leave everything I that is familiar around here to work in a city I dislike, with the chance that both I and the job will not mix well--and end up in an apartment for more than I pay here, with at least one year's lease I'd have to fill. I've spoken to my spiritual director, and he believes that with all the unknown factors, I have reason to turn down the job.
And yet, here I am--staring into the face of holding NO financial security, as my money has grown very sparse, and no real future in DC, either.
I've prayed about this, and still have no answer. I must make my decision by tomorrow, as I had promised I would by the end of this week, and I still don't really know what I want to do.
The military is also contacting me for a career as an officer. Despite other's response on this, I believe I would have no trouble in the military. I am a natural leader, have always been interested in strategic warfare and intelligence...I believe I would do well in a structured environment, where my job security and benefits would be set for years to come. Plus, if and when I would leave the military, my service would open doors that are currently closed to me in civilian career fields.
I also fear I have lost my drive towards the entertainment industry. To me, my soul is just not worth losing, and it seems that this is the only path I'd be able to take to break into show business. This, and I am more convinced than ever, of how limited my talent really is. Indeed, I do have vocal talents and perhaps raw talent in acting, but when have these really gotten me anywhere, financially speaking? Yes, finances are on my mind because they HAVE to be. I can no longer stay blind to the fact that money is the only real security one has in the world--if you do not have money, you cannot survive...and God does not create money.
My Spiritual Director pointed out that he believes God is taking a passive approach in guiding me--that I must take the reigns, so to speak, and choose from the choices I have--and hope that God will make up for the bad choices I make, and, more importantly, I find myself in union with His Will at the end of my life.
This insecurity is probably the worst feeling in the world. Religious may make vows of poverty, but these vows are voluntary, with the added bonus of never really being insecure while surrounded and included in an order. Today, I don't believe there are Religious in the USA who know ACTUAL poverty--the kind where your very existence is compromised by the effects of not being able to make ends meet. The involuntary poverty that haunts many of us newly-grads...
This is what makes the possibility of earning any semi-large amount of money, no matter at what cost-- a temptation. I have never been truly been tested like this before.
I am afraid.

Tomorrow, I go to Fado Irish Pub to apply for a waitressing job. I return to service industry jobs, because they're the only ones I seem to be able to get right now. Then, I will cash all the savings bonds I have left, call the recruitment offices of the US Air Force and US Coast Guard, call my Spiritual Director and Roy for last minute advice, call my potential boss in PA, and pay what bills I can. Then I shall work the remainder of the day on grading papers for Seton.

I am asking all who read this to take a moment to pray for me. I am not only to the point of desperation, but I am also not handling this well at all and am not getting support from my immediate family.
Like George Bailey, I'm also desperate and seem only to be able to whimper "Father in Heaven...if You're up there, and You can hear me, show me the way. I'm at the end of my rope. Show me the way"...perhaps, JUST PERHAPS, I will be proven wrong this time and God will send me an angel or an answer.

Breath of Heaven

2007-12-06T08:02:00.001-08:00

Song taken from my newest project, "Pax et Bonum" Christmas CD. Kent and I have created the CD for friends and family, so if you are interested in receiving a copy before Christmas, please e-mail me.

Intentions are ONE thing...

2007-11-30T19:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I must admit that I've INTENDED to post for about three weeks now, but I lacked the motivation to sit and write of my "comings and goings"...perhaps it was because OF my comings and goings! The last month has held its ups and downs--and the downs have been drastic, but my reactions (or lack there of) to them have surprised even me.
But I get ahead of myself.
Most of my readers know that I am no longer working at United Airlines, and most of you know the circumstances leading up to and surrounding my separation with the company. For this reason, and for the sake of sanity, I am not going to elaborate on the details. A good friend, one who I'm proud to say, is a sparkle in God's Eye, said he thought my separation from United had God's fingerprints all over it, and I believe he's right...even if it makes me uncomfortable and frustrated. Let me say, simply, that I am believing more and more that there are no such things as coincidences; that God's loving plan for each of us is so detailed that He will allow us to enjoy a job (like traveling all over the world with the extra benefit of lifelong friends made along the way), but when He desires us to continue to grow in Faith, Reason and Virtue, He will find no qualm in taking you from your comfort zone, and throwing you into blind paths of trust...AGAIN, for me, this year!

So once more this year, I am in between jobs, but with this time not knowing where or what I'm supposed to be doing. Thus quarter-life crisis has returned full force. I need a job. I've learned to hate being idol, and need to do work that is both intellectual as it is enjoyable. Granted, I know that most people end up working in a field that, at retirement, they are happy to leave behind. I'm not so sure I want to end up seeing my career as a colossal waste of time--feeling unmotivated and unhappy, not using the talents God has given me. I never excelled in mathematics or the sciences, and I am not interested in politics or the law. I have always excelled in the Fine Arts, but where are the self-sustaining jobs in those fields?
I do have an opportunity to teach music, at a small Catholic school in PA, but is this what God wants me to do? Discernment in this is like trying to discern a path in London Fog...everything is fuzzy, nothing seems quite right.
Right in the middle of my aimless wanderings through said foggy career-decisions, my good friend and former house mate, Mandy, abducted me and, by force, made me drive to Peoria, IL with her on a three-day retreat at the Congregation of St. John. Yes, by force...as many of you well know my aversion to nuns in particular, and deeply contemplative Religious in general. I guess I find it hard to speak to those so close to God, and the nun thing is just a reflection from the two years I spent couped up with 12 of 'em.
This ended up being such a refreshing retreat--and so beneficial during this time of confusion. I ended up with a fantastic spiritual director, and am so happy that God has blessed me with such a great Priest! So many graces came from that retreat, I am so grateful!

What HAS been right in the past few days has been my recording project with a really great friend. We decided, after his purchase of studio equipment, to jump head-first into the ambitious project of creating, composing and recording a 10-track Christmas CD before December 15. I am proud to say that we have already produced 5 of the 10 songs in the last three days, and are honestly blown away by the quality, ourselves. The CD is entitled "Pax et Bonum", in honor of the peace and goodwill the heavenly angels prayed for mankind, but also in honor of one of our favorite Saints, St. Francis of Assisi--creator of the Christmas Creche, and lover of the Incarnate Word. I am so excited to send this CD out to whoever would like a copy, so please e-mail me with your address, and we'll send one out to you (hopefully before Christmas!). I will be putting up a teaser on YouTube in the following week, as well as link it here for all interested!

I have also found out, this evening, that Barter Theatre in Abingdon, VA is holding its annual auditions for resident actors in the next week. I will be working quite hard to memorize two short monologues (I have my singing audition already prepared), and will head down to seize the opportunity to get into auditioning again. Who knows if this is what God wants me to do? It feels right, but we shall see...

Finally, I have seen a few films in the last month that need mentioning: Water; A Good Year; 3:10 to Yuma; Avenue Montaigne; Bella; No Country for Old Men; Love in the Time of Cholera; Padre Pio- Miracle Man; Into Great Silence. I will be reviewing each of them in my next posting--some with scathing contempt, others with surprise and delight. Which critique goes where, one might ponder?...Muse on, if you wish, but I guarantee you shall be surprised!

Bleeding Diamonds, Cheeky Rabbits, Pirate Monkeys and Miracle Berries...

2007-10-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

Did I get your attention with my bizarre, yet catchy title? Good...

...more on THAT bizarre statement (nice pixels!) in a bit...
This week, I wish to first draw attention to the movie "Blood Diamond" starring Leo DeCaprio and Djimon Hounsou.

The film was recommended to me, by a friend, a while back...I even bought a used copy of it on his insistence, but had not chosen to watch it until last night. I think I felt that I needed a bit of mental preparation to watch it...like "Hotel Rwanda", and I was right. The movie had breathtaking cinematography with its raw African setting, but disturbing in the reality of the human suffering and indignities associated with this continent.

For those who have yet to see it, a summery of the plot is as follows: Set in Sierra Leone during the 1999 civil war, rebels and the government vie for power through control of the diamond trade there. Smugglers (one portrayed by DeCaprio) profited by the illegal trade of the diamonds--purchased many times, it seems, by weapons meant to arm the powers-that-be. At a few points in the movie, the Africans are dismayed at how greed for money and power has caused such enormous suffering--have caused them to "kill their brothers". What was very interesting, is that the movie showed how many Western diamond traders, who received these "blood diamonds" (so named for the atrocities and human rights violations associated to the harvesting and trade of these diamonds) at tremendous volume, would then store them away in order to keep prices of diamonds high. For if the general population knew of both the quantity of diamonds and their violent origins, prices would drop as well as demand.

The movie, well casted and obviously well performed is one that I (cautiously) recommend as food for thought. I would, though, rate it a bit lower on the overall scale compared to "Hotel Rwanda" (starring Don Cheadle). The former film points out how material trade, sought at its cheapest, can effect human rights and the well being of nations; the latter draws attention to the continual bloodshed based on religious values and race; the atrocities of human trafficking that still goes on in Uganda and Rwanda, and the loss of life based on the ignorance and extremism that can only be found in Islam. Both are good films, and recommended by yours truly.

On a lighter note, I'd like to also draw attention to another great film I saw of late: "Miss Potter", starring Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor.

This charming little film is definitely on my "tear-jerker, girlie movie" list, but I must stress it as well deserving an enthusiastic two-thumbs up! I had no idea of the simple beauty, creativity, independence and elegance in the life of Beatrix Potter! I grew up on the stories of Peter Rabbit (and find it amusing that Ewan and the mean farmer, "Mr. McGregor", would end up in the same film!). With these two dynamic actors, who can go wrong? The audience is even charmed, once again, by McGregor's voice!! Such an innocent movie in an age when simple storytelling is hard to come by, I am eager to share it with my closest friends! The cinematography and costuming is right on, and...dare I say again, charming?!

Do see it.

Now, onto Pirate Monkeys...or Monkey Pirates?... or, well, how 'bout just an update? I've now conquered the computer games "The Secret of Monkey Island" and "The Curse of Monkey Island"... and am now on the final game "Escape from Monkey Island". This last game is the worst of all...bad jokes, bad puns, bad 3-D graphics, bad storyline...to name a few bad elements in the game. But when one is sent to boring layovers, and not in the mood for movies (gasp!) or more reading (having done that on the jumpseat), this is what I have to entertaine myself... Don't judge me. lol!

For what they're worth, I like these games. They're puzzley.

Finally, I'm joining a group of independent distributors, in the DC area, who sell Mona Vie.

This product is specifically for those interested in alternative medicine and general well-being...which should be all of you reading this blog. Remember how, when we were young, we were told of the wonders of the Amazon--and how, perhaps, the cure for cancer could be found there? Well, the Acai berry has now been proven to kill leukemia cancer cells, naturally.

Check out all the info and studies involving the main ingredient, the Acai Berry here. Anyone interested in purchasing the product, or join our selling group, please contact me!!

McNow Mentality...

2007-10-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting late-night conversation with one of my housemates, a few days ago. You know, those deep philosophical conversations about life and love that seem to only arise from a few glasses of wine or an exhausting day? We started on the subject of relationships...like many times before...but quickly branched out to what's been nagging us of late: Fast-Food Lifestyle. Not really basing your life on eating out, but rather, materialist "I want the bigger, better choice now!" mindset that seems to be plaguing western society.

Why is it that, in relationships in particular, our generation never seems quite satisfied with what we have? We all have "ideals", especially women, but when we finally meet the guy that fulfills most (if not all) of them, we are still hesitant in committing?

Take Hollywood, for example. I read QUITE a few of those trash magazines on the jump seat, and it is so apparent that relationships don't survive BECAUSE of this lifestyle and attitude. Here's a star with a perfectly good marriage, ending up cheating on his wife with the babysitter BECAUSE of the FANTASY of it...not for a real future together, of true happiness and fulfillment in the other.

It's living in a fantasy world that causes us to miss the beauty of the reality before us...Isn't it this that plagued the mythical Greek deity, Narcissus?

It's the same with the rest of our life...Another friend pointed out that the car he owned was the one he ALWAYS wanted to own...but now that he has it, he can't help but dream about OTHER ones he'd like more. What a life we lead when we just can't be satisfied with the blessings we have, right before our eyes...so much so that we keep on an endless scavenger hunt for the better ideal. This must be a twisted notion of "The American Dream".

I regret that such an intemperate, licentious, narcissistic mentality has caused the disordered lack of connectivity in relationships found in our society. I know I've been affected by it. Have you?

Only An Ocean Away

2007-09-29T02:27:00.001-07:00

Daniel Radcliffe's Redemptive Performance

2007-09-18T16:49:00.001-07:00

Honestly, I LOVE Voldemort in this scene...esp. the part when he casts that snake spell!

"What have you been doing?!" Part II

2007-08-19T15:58:00.000-07:00

It was after that full day, that the floodgates broke (rather literally), causing cancellations and delays for two more days in England. I ended up spending another day and a half there, then flying to LA, laying over and finally coming home. Sheesh! (I was happy, though, because it was on my trip back from England that the last Harry Potter book was released. I bought the English hardback version off of a boy who had just finished it on the plane. Lucky me.

Although it is out of time-sequence, I must mention a delightful movie Christine and I saw as of late: "Once".

Little hasn't been said by Christine, but I was surprised by the credits at the end of this indie film. Surprised because I hadn't realized until then that the two main characters go unnamed throughout the film...and I hadn't noticed. The story was so simple and human, as was the music. A film for artists...and SO clean in content--full of hope and realism. I have nothing bad to say about this film, and hope that more like it are made...totally refreshing. Oh, and if you haven't already done so, get the music off of ITunes!

Now, back in sequence.

Soon after England, I traveled to Los Vegas, meeting another great Flight Attendant. We had good fun, visiting all the casinos together, drinking very quickly in order to stay under legality to fly, riding the roller coaster at New York, New York for free, eating fantastic food at the Mirage and getting very little sleep before working the redeye home that night. Call out to Marie O...a fantastic woman and great co-worker!

Then, I flew to Brussels, and spent my layover playing tourist with two other crew members...visiting as many churches as we could, eating mussels and walking WAY too much! (St. Maximilian made an appearance at the first church we went to, Our Lady of Notre Dame...in the form of an obscenely large portrait. I think I have a stalker...lol)

And this past week, I was sent to Beijing, China. To be brief, the flight over and back is EXTREMELY LONG; the city is EXTREMELY DIRTY, and other than the shopping (in which I purchased TOO MUCH) for knock-offs and DVDs, I'd prefer never to go again. But I'm sure I will....so make your order requests for Gucci, Armani, Rolex, Louis Vuitton and movies that are still in theatres, but are high-quality knock-offs in China...and then send me the money to purchase these things...and we have a deal.

Finally, I've seen two more movies in theaters. "Becoming Jane" with Christine and two of my housemates, and "Stardust" with Kent.

The former was supposed to be terribly romantic and tragic...my two housemates cried. I, on the other hand, laughed throughout the movie...making Christine laugh...both of us mocking the sheepishness of the characters and the director's strain at making the movie reflect the artistic beauty of the latest version of "Pride and Prejudice". The movie, in my humble opinion, was a cheesy travesty of a biography, seeking to parallel Jane Austin's life with her writings. As Christine rightly noted, "It's as if people assume authors have no imagination to draw on, that it all must be founded on some real event that took place in their lives." Right on, Christine!

"Stardust", on the other hand, was a fantastic faerie-tale, studded with actors in the most peculiar roles. Robert DeNero plays a rather feminine pirate...lol...I laughed so hard, I was crying. I don't know if others in the audience found it that amusing, but after recently watching "The Godfather", I tell you...so funny! In addition, Michelle Pfeiffer was GORGEOUS...wow, I hope I look half as good at 50!

The story was original and entertaining. Kent mentioned he had read the book, and recommended it as a great novel, and that the movie did it justice.

Finally, Kent landed last-minute tickets to a concert featuring "Live" and "Collective Soul"...we ended up in the middle/front of the mosh-pit...which was quite subdued for a rock-concert...and had a grand ole time! Both bands are just as good in concert, and "Live" sang all their greatest hits!! Rock on!!

I'm on reserve, starting tomorrow, for the rest of the week. I wonder where I'll be going? My hope? Rome -if internationally, San Diego -if domestically. Wish me luck!!

"What have you been doing?!" Part I

2007-08-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

I HAD promised, over two weeks ago, to update this my blog for you, my avid readers. (snicker) I've been lazy. So there.

Be that as it may, I am now prepared to write, in full, the account of my excursions and adventures over the past month. You may want to stop reading now, if only to save yourself from tediousness.

Still reading? Lucky sots!

Where to begin? Ah, yes. Harry Potter. I've seen "Order of the Phoenix" in theater, 4 times now. Unlike some of my counterparts, I found it entrancing from start to finish. I admit, I was rather harsh on Daniel Radcliffe's starring role as a psychologically screwed up stable-boy in London's third resurrection of "Equus"...and mocked him severely. I still mock him for it. Really, if an actor is so determined to break the character moulde which has been his career's foundation, it would be best to leave the genre altogether and land roles in a separate one--for example, Radcliffe was tired of being seen as a troubled young teen in a dramatic series, it would be obvious to break that typecast and prove one's acting talent in something like... comedy...why not do something like "Spamalot"? That, indeed, would have proved his point without loosing his dignity...yeah, the best way to rebel is drop trou. (mock...mock...mock...)

Be that as it may, Radcliffe's stint on stage improved his acting hundredfold. It must be nice, surrounded by such heavyweights as Helena Bonham Carter (Belletrix Lestrange), Gary Oldman (Sirius Black) and Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy)...I wonder why he didn't improve at a quicker pace? I was utterly impressed, though, with the final battle scenes...so well done! I felt pulled into the scene, the colors and sounds...my heart was pacing the entire time, eyes wide open and mouth agape. This, and with Radciffe's intense encounter with his on-screen nemesis, Lord Voldemort (Ralf Fiennes) the movie was, in my humble opinion, incredible. Bravo, well done!

Soon after seeing the movie, I was called by the United Crew Desk to what ended up to be a 5-day trip to London, England. I had made the point, after finding out the copies of the "Harry Potter" series were different (the Queens English) than here in the States, to purchase them whenever I returned to that great Country. It was with this intention, and the knowledge that I might, in fact, be gifted with the chance to see my theatre-idol, Anthony Andrews, on stage in the current production of "The Letter"...well, you can only imagine my excitement in going to England.

When I finally landed, the first day of my trip, I had gone over my 8-hour limit of legality, and was thus booked to return home two days later. I grabbed a quick drink with the pilots (at no expense to me...mwahahahaha), and headed to bed, knowing my day would be full starting early the next morning. When I awoke, I went down to the station and bought an all-day ticket with the Big Bus Company (a definite buy for any newbie to London). I jumped on at Kensington Gardens, and jumped off by Leicester Square,(affectionately known as the Theatre District or West End) walked around and ended up in the "Barnes and Noble" of England..."Waterstone's"...where I bought 6 of the 7 hardback copies of Harry Potter in it's proper English, for about $180.00. I took my books, and walked to the nearest stand of the English "TKTS" (discount B-way tickets) and bought a $30.00 ticket to the 7:00pm production of "The Letter" with Anthony Andrews. Then, back on the bus I went. I toured the city, and then jumped off at my stop (the Marble Arch), grabbed a sandwich and drink for lunch, and went back to drop off my heavy package, a quick nap and to get ready for the show.

I jumped on the bus, again, around 5:30pm (after downloading a few pictures of Anthony Andrews as Sir Percy and placing them on a memory stick I carry with me), and set out for Wyndham's Theatre, close to Leicester Square.
I arrived relatively early, so I set out for a pharmacy that would have photo-developers. About ten minutes later, I had a fantastic black and white of Sir Percy, ready to be signed by the man, himself, after his performance. As Christine can attest, if you choose to go to a show with me, I WILL insist on going behind the theatre, afterwords, to get my playbill signed, and talk with the actors. Many people do this in NYC, but very few choose to in England (they don't worship the stars like we Americans...they're too infatuated with the Royals). I spent the remainder of my time before the show, searching for a place that sold permanent markers...but ended up accepting my fate with a normal ballpoint for him to use.

The show was...well, the show could be compared to an Oscar Wilde without the social mockery and humor...this accepting Anthony Andrews who carried the entire production, and on a number of occasions made us laugh. The man is incredible...facial expressions say a thousand words, and his character acting is, obviously, superb. The other actors were less than adequate. Even Mr. Andrews apologized, (and no, I didn't mention it in advance!) saying it was an off-night for the cast, having to use an understudy for one of the main roles. I think he was being generous.

After the show, I ended up speaking to him for about 20 min...inviting him to our performance of Espoir de l'Amour, next year. I also spoke about our production of SP (a show which, by the way, HE LOVES)...which lead us to speaking about Wildhorn's new production, Cyrano de Bergerac. All I can say is, he's deeply involved with the pre-production, and suggested, rather strongly I might add, that I audition for it. I ended up with a signed photograph of Sir Percy (which he laughed over, asking where in the world I got it), and his contact info for our show, and my resume. Let me say, in closing, that he was SUCH a gentleman...nothing like the men I've had contact with from NYC...they're so bawdy in comparison! It is obvious that the man acts for love of the art, not for fame. I am happy to have made his acquaintance. God is good!

Into Great Silence...

2007-08-18T18:54:00.001-07:00

"...Those who by vow lie buried in the cloister or the hermitage;
The speechless Trappist, or the grey, granite Carthusian,
The quiet Carmelite, the barefoot Clare, Planted in the night of
contemplation, Sealed in the dark and waiting to be born.

Night is our diocese and silence is our ministry
Poverty our charity and helplessness our tongue-tied
sermon.
Beyond the scope of sight or sound we dwell upon the air
Seeking the world's gain in an unthinkable experience.
We are exiles in the far end of solitude, living as listeners
With hearts attending to the skies we cannot understand:
Waiting upon the first far drums of Christ the Conqueror,
Planted like sentinels upon the world's frontier.

But in the days, rare days, when our Theotokos
Flying the prosperous world
Appears upon our mountain with her clothes like sails,
Then, like the wise, wild baby,
The unborn John who could not see a thing
We wake and know the Virgin Presence
Receive her Christ into our night
With stabs of an intelligence as white as lightning.

Cooled in the flame of God's dark fire
Washed in His gladness like a vesture of new flame
We burn like eagles in His invincible awareness
And bound and bounce with happiness,
Leap in the womb, our cloud, our faith, our element,
Our contemplation, our anticipated heaven
Till Mother Church sings like an Evangelist."

-"The Quickening of St. John the Baptist" by Thomas Merton

Opening Emmy Awards 2006

2007-08-01T19:24:00.001-07:00

This is pretty darn funny! Great cameos!

Dedicated to my Mom, and her new Doula Business

2007-07-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Next time- postings on Harry Potter, "Once" and my newest networking contact: Anthony Andrews!

"Where are you goin'?"

2007-07-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a while since my last post (and didn't you all LOVE it?! Silly animals!), and I wanted to update those who don't know on my latest travels!

I've been to London, England; Munich, Germany and Sao Paulo/ Rio de Genaro, Brazil--and ALMOST to Beijing, China yesterday (more on that in a second), as well as MANY trips this month to California. In fact, I leave for San Francisco, today. I'm hoping we're close to the wharf, so I can see the bay.

Yesterday was an adventure, as I was to go on an extensive 5-day trip to China. I had done my safety checks and stowed my luggage...really, we were about to finish boarding, and close the doors when one of the other FA's called me over to tell me that the crew desk was on the phone, and were pulling me from the flight. I was a bit disappointed (I'm SURE I'll be heading back there soon), but thought that I was going to be put on another flight. When I called them back, while waiting for my passport from the purser, they stated that the flight was overstaffed, and the I was being paid the two-hour call-out pay...and that I could go home. Grrrr. This is the SECOND TIME crew desk as screwed me over. The first was loosing me in London for three hours, while they fixed their mistakes on my departure date...today or tomorrow? Uggh.

ANYWAYS, Rio and London are tied as my favorites, so far...but I LOVE San Diego, and hope I'll be jumping there, tomorrow...who knows with this type of flying! In London, I played tourist, and took a sight-seeing bus around the city. I LOVE the theatre district, with its little bookstores, and hope to return in time to see Anthony Andrews still on stage in "The Letter". I discovered a great monastery in Sao Paulo, where the Benedictines make bread and such...so when I go back, I'll shop there. I also loved seeing the amazing natural beauty of Rio. Breathtaking, to be sure!

Things are relatively quiet, here, other than work. Still looking for that part-time dream-job (editing via online or something similar), but no luck so far. I'm not in dire need for money, at present, so I've got some wriggle room.

I HAVE seen two new films in the last two weeks, but am planning a SCATHING critique of one, and high praises for the other...which one will the sneering sarcasm be directed at? "Evening" or "Once"? Wait and see! (Christine will beat me at her own critic work, but I must gather my thoughts first...ahem)

Well, now...not much else to say. I'll post again in California!

Fainting Goats

2007-06-27T10:27:00.001-07:00

WTF? Wow...free entertainment with these pets..."Mom, I'm going outside to scare the goats for awhile..."

CSI: Jim Carrey

2007-06-25T17:28:00.001-07:00

Horatio Cain--Carrey style!

Pirates!

2007-06-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

After weeks of running around, like a chicken with it's head lopped off...(nice visual, there)...I've finally been given the chance to sit down and update this VERY important, rambling blog!

First, the places I've been to in the last few weeks:

Narita, Japan; Denver, CO; Orange County, CA; San Diego, CA; Orlando, FL; Omaha, NE; Phoenix, AZ; Philadelphia, PA....

My favorite layover, so far, has been San Diego. I've met some great people, and hope to catch up with them next time I'm down there. The hotel we layover at is about two blocks from Little Italy, and a GREAT cafe called "Cafe Zucchero"...also close to the harbor. Next time, I'm going to catch a taxi to the beach.

I really like California...maybe I'll end up there one day. Or Florida...Florida's cheaper...

Secondly, I bought a NEW CAR...yes, totally brand new. The biggest and riskiest financial decision I have made....risky, because I've borrowed thousands of dollars, which scares the crap out of me...but I NEEDED a new car. The last two weeks, I have spent over $60.00 just on gas, and my old Taurus was adding up mileage fast, and with the job I have, I need to rely on my car to get me to the three airports without having to worry about ANYTHING...

Now, I'm selling the car (for $2500, if any one's interested...CD player and new tires!)

My new car is a Honda Fit Sport:

The color in the photo is the same...vivid blue pearl!

I LOVE this car, already, and am excited to be working to pay for this investment. Hondas are great cars, and last A LONG TIME if well maintained...

Kent, Christine and I dressed up for Washington DC's premiere of "Pirates III" showing at Gallery Place, DC. Kent and I pre-gamed at "Piratz Tavern", and then met with Christine at her house...where this picture was taken.

We had a LOT of people take pictures with us, not to mention come up to us, or yell at us about how great we looked. We decided, last minute, to go to Fado...and were bought whiskey shots by a guy and his raunchy friends (DC businessmen...egad!)...so we drank their shots, and then promptly left. =-)

The movie was GREAT, and we had a GREAT time...Kent was a bit overwhelmed at first, methinks, but he ended up enjoying himself immensely....no need to ask how Christine felt (she's used to my antics, by now!) ;-)

Well, that's all for now! I'm scheduled for the next 5 days, now...so maybe a trip to Rome is in the works? One can only hope!

Ciao!

To Christine, with LOVE....muwahahaha!

2007-06-01T13:15:00.001-07:00

This video is dedicated to Christine and her continued important work within Philosophy....this is what it's all about!

LIMBO NO MORE!

2007-04-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

Just a quick theological chide:

Ha-ha, Fr. Mastroini...the Holy Father sides with us! LIMBO-NO MORE!

(Wonder what the Feenyites are saying now?)

Pope Benedict, himself a top theologian who before his election in 2005 expressed doubts about limbo, authorized the publication of the document, called "The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised."
The verdict that limbo could now rest in peace had been expected for years. The document was seen as most likely the final word since limbo was never part of Church doctrine, even though it was taught to Catholics well into the 20th century.
"The conclusion of this study is that there are theological and liturgical reasons to hope that infants who die without baptism may be saved and brought into eternal happiness even if there is not an explicit teaching on this question found in revelation," it said.
"There are reasons to hope that God will save these infants precisely because it was not possible (to baptize them)."
The Church teaches that baptism removes original sin which stains all souls since the fall from grace in the Garden of Eden.
"NO NEGATION OF BAPTISM"
The document stressed that its conclusions should not be interpreted as questioning original sin or "used to negate the necessity of baptism or delay the conferral of the sacrament."
Limbo, which comes from the Latin word meaning "border" or "edge," was considered by medieval theologians to be a state or place reserved for the unbaptized dead, including good people who lived before the coming of Christ.
"People find it increasingly difficult to accept that God is just and merciful if he excludes infants, who have no personal sins, from eternal happiness, whether they are Christian or non-Christian," the document said.
It said the study was made all the more pressing because "the number of nonbaptised infants has grown considerably, and therefore the reflection on the possibility of salvation for these infants has become urgent."
The commission's conclusions had been widely expected.
In writings before his election as Pope in 2005, the then Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger made it clear he believed the concept of limbo should be abandoned because it was "only a theological hypothesis" and "never a defined truth of faith."

Virginia Tech- In Memoriam:

2007-04-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

Lux aeterna luceat eis Domine, cum sanctis tuis in aeternum quia pius es.Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis; cum sanctis in aeternum quia pius es.

In paradisum: deducant te Angeli: in tuo adventu suscipiant te Martyres, et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Ierusalem. Chorus Angelorum te suscipiat, et cum Lazaro quondam paupere aeternam habeas requiem.

May light eternal shine upon them, O Lord, With Thy Saints for evermore, for Thou art gracious. Eternal rest give to them, O Lord; and let perpetual light shine upon them; with Thy Saints for evermore, for Thou art gracious. .

May the Angels lead thee into paradise: may the Martyrs receive thee at thy coming, and lead thee unto the holy city of Jerusalem.
May the choir of Angels receive thee, and mayest thou have eternal rest with Lazarus, who once was poor.

Michael Keaton

2007-04-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

Michael Keaton, famed for his roles in Batman, Multiplicity--and my favorite, Much Ado about Nothing--is currently working on a production here at the training centre.

I met him.

He has pointy eyebrows.

HRH....

2007-04-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Prince William is single, again. Damn.

I guess his ex found it too much pressure to date a Royal AND a serviceman...which one, I wonder, is the harder of the two?

Well, England can mourn...I'm QUITE the happy camper. Better that he do this now, or tempt fate and become like his father.

In any case, I'm happy for him...he's free to date other ELIGIBLE young women...teee-heee.

Hopefully he'll consider someone normal, outside the hemisphere of the royals...another Princess Grace with the heart of Diana...

Good luck and Cheers to HRH.

Comings and Goings...

2007-04-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

It's a dangerous business, going out of your door...

...You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to....

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say...

-J.R.R. Tolkien

So, I've received more than a few e-mails since my last posting, stating that there are many people checking in on this blog...happy to hear of my "comings and goings".
Well! This is, indeed, a surprise!
I have, on my part, finished my thesis for good--but still feel uneasy (as if the paper still nags at me...or is it my mother still nagging? I dunno...lol) Anyways, I'm done with that and now fully focused on training for this EXCITING new job with United Airlines...and the possibility of a new car (a Mini Cooper).

It's been almost two weeks, now, since the beginning of my 7-week training...and let me just say, I have acquired a GREAT DEAL of new found respect for Flight Attendants on the line. To get this far, one has to go through two substantial interviews; background checks; health checks and be found a domicile (home base) before coming to the World Headquarters for training. Only the top 1% get this far, so I am really proud to be here. The group I'm with is GREAT--all professionals, mostly college grads. They are realists, but quite cheerful and seek out all types of fun to be had...so I'm happy to struggle along with them. Yes, I write struggle, because training is INTENSE! One of the women, here, said her husband (a former serviceman) likened our schedule to boot-camp (only we don't do the strenuous labor...we sit on our asses for up to 8 hours of lecture per class)!

We all have been a bit edgy--wanting desperately to get out of the training centre, but not just for the reason of buying uniform coded shoes, etc. Most of us JUST WANT TO FLY...instead of theory. We get our first chances this Saturday...many are heading to Jersey, Dallas or Denver--I'm going to Boston! I'd love it if we had longer than an hour and a half of layover, but as this is an observation flight, I'd rather get it over with so I may still have time to head home for Easter Sunday Mass.
Anywho...lots has been learned in the past two weeks, and even more to come in the near future. Time is flying, though...May 10th is graduation...and then, I'm planning to jumpseat (and hopefully land an open first class seat!) to Rome for a few days before I have to report to DC. PERHAPS. I'll be going SOMEWHERE, that's for sure! My treat to myself for a double-dose of graduation bliss!

So what exactly have I been doing? Lots of classwork and e-learning (texts and tests online)...and sleeping. That's about all I have time for (other than meals). I'm not joking, here...oh, and also admiring the ducks (esp. the mallards with green heads!) and swans in the lake by our building...some of us also went to the Aquarium (I'll be posting video soon!) on Sunday last.
My roomies are GREAT...we're the rowdy bunch in our class (surprise, surprise!) ...and have three wonderful male flight attendants who join our fun! The two women who share my room are married...one in her early 20's and the other in her "mid-thirties" ...we get along fabulously...and laugh ALL THE TIME!
Catherine (or Karen...goes by either), the elder of the two, has hooked me on my newest drink-obsession: Coke Black.
Who would've thought that Coffee and Coke would go so well together?! Although a bit sweet, still great stuff (esp. in the morning!)
Another fun drink--

Carbonated Green tea. It's great for loosing weight, and low calorie (only 5). It also has A LOT of caffeine...lol
So that's what I'm living on, right now...other than chicken caesar salads for dinner. The cafeteria food isn't that bad, but I'm already sick of it.
Now...it's off to bed for me. I'll prob. regret staying up this late, tomorrow, but I was seriously intending to post some new material on this blog for some time. I'm glad I did it.

Shout out to some of my new DCFA friends: Harriet, Ai, Tabatha, Jurnree, Jenny, Catherine, Ashley, Patrick, Nadav and Thomas! You guys make my day!

And to my friends at home and abroad...I miss you all, but CAN'T WAIT to travel with many of you in the coming months ahead! A chance to go to Rome, China, Japan, France, England and all the exotic South American and Caribbean places we fly is worth all this mental exhaustion, right now!

Thanks, you all, for caring...especially Anne, Dominic and Mary S. who wrote me!

Pax et Bonum!

"Tempest"

2007-03-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Ahhh...my DEAREST Jack is...well...back!

2007-03-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

Hummmdrummm...thesis

2007-03-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

Alrighty. It's been a while since I've written anything, and seeing that Christine has posted two times since my last posting, I thought it best to update those who care on what I'm doing.
Monday I will be heading off to the specialist to get the "ok-to-fly" for my ear. Please pray that everything goes well...I don't expect any problems, but you never know.
I am, at the moment, about 8 or so pages away from finishing my thesis. Chapter I is pretty much finished, excepting the fact that the professor who took charge of the thing is insisting on two references--currently lost in the bowels of CUA's stacks (or stolen)--to be cited...references that I don't need, but seeing that I haven't been able to speak my mind or actually use it for myself for the past few months, well...I comply.
So I've taken up Chapter III, and need only write on Romans and the Stoic understanding of Theology of God, and I'll be set. I could prob. finish a rough copy today...then revise my introduction and Turabianize the entire document.
After which, I shall send it to Christine to see if it even makes sense...and from her, send it to my profs. I am hoping, by the end of this week, to have it all in. After this, I will pack my things, and head home for a little R & R (Christine plans to caravan with me) before 7-weeks of training for United.
All-in-all, I'm elated on the idea that I might finally be rid of this IMMENSE amount of stress...that leech-of-a-school known as Christendom. Honestly, I have to make apologies to people when they ask where I went to school...I'm ashamed of the place, not only because of the extremism attached to the reputation, but for the general fact that it will play a MINOR role in whatever I choose to do with my life from here on in.

I am HAPPY to see that my good friend, Joe, is doing something with his life, post-C-dom. Being in Italy and making the connections he is...a great step towards fulfilling his goals. There are others, in my class, who have done the same--but many who have, in my opinion, sold their talents and intelligence short of what they're capable of, frankly just for "security's sake".
This is an unfortunate effect of many Catholic Colleges/Universities...an innate fear of the dangers of the world and the flesh.

Alright...I'm SURE I'll be a much more positive person after this whole drama is over...after which, I'll never have to think about Christendom again, unless I want to...which, methinks, will be a rare occurrence, indeed.

This cracked me up!

2007-02-22T13:28:00.001-08:00

Keep watching!

Lent...again

2007-02-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

Well, now...it's been more than a week since my last posting, let's dive into the exciting world of Bree Dail!

After a week of living-in as a full-time babysitter for a well-to-do Jewish family in Chevy Chase, I came down with severe flu-like symptoms...causing me to hold up in their house for two days, retching every 10 minutes for one day, and doubled over with stomach cramps the next day. By 7:00pm, day 2, I had taken 4 Tylenol and successfully kept down a glass of 7-Up and a mouthful of bread--I felt the need to high-tail it out of there. Frankly, even though I caught the blasted thing from their children (the little girl was great, but the boy was more than a handful at times!), I didn't want the mother--fresh out of surgery--to get it from me...

So here I am, still recuperating, and down $200.00 from the two days I couldn't watch the kids.

I am really sick of all this bad luck.

Materially, I could use a pick-me-up...It'd be great to win the lottery or something, just to pay off my bills and get on my feet, again, but this will not happen. So, I think I must, again, apply to a temp agency to land a job for the month ahead.

That, or babysit, again.

I really wonder if things will change AFTER I get that damnable diploma? I have this gut feeling, they will NOT. More and more, I believe that the reason people succeed is by luck, and not merit...that there are so many who have talent to boot, but no one listening. I don't want to end up one of those actors who quit early on...but there are NO jobs in DC for musical theatre actors--that is, unless you've graduated from CUA with a foot-in in the local Thespian community. I'm coming close to thinking that if this bad luck continues, and I end up getting a bad report for my ear...and end up loosing the job with United...I'm going home. I'm tired of living like this, and now that Anna (my adopted sister) is out of the house for good, I may find living there a whole lot easier. I may even think about getting a Masters at Purdue--Oh God! Listen to me!

I just need to get out of this 6-month slump, that's all. Something good just has to happen...something really good...no one lives with this much bad luck.

So, I'm putting on my brave-face, finishing my thesis as early as I can and from here to Easter trying to stay as positive as possible. Perhaps something wonderful will happen? I have to believe that this can be true.

To LENT and it's penance!

Update

2007-02-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

After posting so many you-tube videos, I thought it might be a little less impersonal to update whoever is bored enough to read this blog on the comings and goings of my life!

Last week, I received word that my training class in Chicago, for United Airlines, will begin on March 25th. With the class about a month and a half in the future, I looked into other short-term ways of making some money. After submitting my resume at a temp-job company, I was contacted by a family in Chevy Chase who had seen my advertisement on a website for DC babysitters.

I met the family, and took on a 2-week live in job with them, starting next Tuesday. I'm excited, not only about the money, but for the chance to "run" a household for a week! (Really, I HATE making dinner for one...it's so much easier to do it for a larger family!)

Today, though, I received a discouraging phone-call. During my health exam, last week, the physician was a bit concerned with my history of chronic ear problems as a child. After two tympanoplaties performed on my right ear, there's a bit of scarring inside and out. The doctor was unable to test my ear's tolerance to pressure/depressurization, so he made note of this on my record. I was told, today, that I'll have to get a second opinion by an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist--footing the cost, mind you--in order to be passed on my exam. Now, I have to do a paper-trail to find out where the records of my surgeries are...these being OVER 10 years old. Then, I must decide where to get my ears checked out--the ENT specialists, here, don't know my history...but I have to get an "ok to fly" by one to check in for United! AND, such an exam may cost hundreds of dollars---money I don't have!

Well, I WOULD have, if Starbucks hadn't lost my check. Yes...can you believe it?! I went to DuPont, yesterday, to pick up my last check...and although the shift mgr. said he had seen it, on Saturday, it wasn't to be found in the safe. Adam, the Store Mgr, told him he'd call Starbucks Partner Resources, to have them send a new check to me...but this situation is vaguely familiar--WAIT, I know! It sounds like the same line of shit that Oasis has pulled on me! I need to pay my bills, and now I have TWO companies trying to screw with my hard-earned money! Sometimes, it's SURREAL how shit seems to hit the fan all at once!

Well, all I can hope for is to get that "ok-to-fly" from the ENT Specialist I go see, so I can get going in this new job. If not, I have NO idea what I'm going to do...I'll be out of a job and out of luck.

Good news.....hmmmm....Percy, my fish, is still alive! I've gotten in contact with two friends who've moved up here reciently....ummm....thanks to the help of my dear friend, Christine, I'm done editing the second chapter of my thesis. I owe Christine a lot...not only for helping me with my thesis, but just for being there throughout the past few months, when things were really difficult. Needless to say, I've been at my lowest, and she's been a constant support!

So, Christine...if and when my luck changes, and I end up with money and good fortune...we'll definitely be going on some adventures! You've been the best friend that most people dream of having, but never end up with...thanks for putting up with me!

Burn, baby, Burn!

2007-02-02T21:39:00.003-08:00

More Horatio Cain

CSI Miami - Horatio Cain One-liners!

2007-02-02T21:39:00.001-08:00

This is FANTASTIC...funny and Horatio coolness!

LADYHAWKE

2007-01-29T09:42:00.001-08:00

My first YOUTUBE video post!
Pairs one of my favorite songs with one of my favorite movies...
Hope you all enjoy it!
Bree

Pan's Labyrinth

2007-01-17T10:17:00.001-08:00

Christine and I saw this movie two nights ago. I highly recommend it...with a cautionary note: the Director leaves NOTHING to the imagination when it comes to violence.
The storyline is utterly unique, with exception to hints of Greek myths related to the Cyclopes and Persephone in one particular scene.
Also note the fantastic morphing of the Faun from a daunting, dark creature--visually--to one myseriously "beautiful" by the end of the film!
4.5/5 Stars--def. on my movie list for 2007!
This Director ought to work with M. Night!

A note from my Mom

2007-01-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

In light of recent events in my family, as well as my own issues with spirituality, my Mom sent an e-mail she received at work. I really don't like forwards, but this one really touched me. I hope you enjoy it.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"

My newest TV Obsession

2007-01-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

Now many of you know that I LOVE shows like "Lost" and "Grey's Anatomy", but I have a NEW favorite: CSI Miami.

Honestly, David Caruso is FANTASTIC as his character, "Horatio Cain"--great character development, etc. (And WHO WOULDN'T like a Character named "Horatio"?! That's a brilliant name!

A good friend of mine commented that he made the show "old" looking...but really, he's like a fantastic example of "cool". I mean...yeah, the sunglasses are cheesy, but cool at the same time. I dunno...perhaps I look too deeply into character development and acting ability...but I suggest that you watch the show and see what I mean.

For the time being, I'm going back to enjoying one of my "new" favorite shows!

A New Job...

2007-01-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

This is for all who graciously took interest in my recent interviews with United Airlines.
After my second face-to-face interview, I was offered a job, on the spot, as a Flight Attendant. I am really grateful for the well-wishes and prayers of my family and friends. I wasn't really nervous at all.
The next step is a drug test on the 22 of this month, and then onto a 7-week class starting (hopefully) next month, in Chicago!
More info as it comes...I'm really excited about going into another job, with great benefits and travel opportunities...compared to...coffee and "benefits" that include being screwed over for health insurance because of a company human error which would force me to appeal to Seattle in order to get the insurance!

Goodbye:

Hello:

Home

2006-12-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

Home, now, in Indiana and the snow has yet to cover the ground.

As I sit here, with this same view outside the windows of what has been my home, now, for six years, I reflect on the comings and goings of the week past. As said in the last post, I've had to face the humiliation of admitting to my parents and friends that I have still, yet, to graduate and must extend my thesis until this next semester, in order to edit it to the likings of the professors involved. This has been seen as, yes, a failure by my Mother, especially, and has been another source of rift between a delicate relationship we have. Let's just say that the arguments surrounding this topic have been heated and hurtful to both sides, but the diseased topic still hangs heavily in the air. I won't be able to live this down, in my mother's eyes, for a long time--unless I succeed in something to such a degree as to merit that I can, indeed, be successful (and the play which I am currently involved in may be the key to that success. I hope it is!)

Recently, I spoke to a good friend of mine, a man who is very close to God--who truly lives his Faith--a constant inspiration and role model for me. Our conversation, naturally, tended towards the spiritual--have you ever had a friend with whom even the most painful part of who you are is laid open to them (even if you don't want it to be?)--I have two such friends, my best friend Christine, and Roy. Anyway, I was returning a call from Roy, who had been at "his monastery" in La Salette and said that the entire time he was there, he kept feeling as if he had to pray for me. He was worried, and called me when he returned home. Funny thing, but that was the week my sister (spoken of in my last post) disappeared for a week--she was found after she returned to school. This was a very tense time for the family--we were afraid for her safety, and worried that she might do something illegal that would hinder her entry into the Navy. This placed everything else on the back burner, and rightly so.

After ensuring Roy of her safety, and thanking him for his prayers, we fell into the topic of the Dark Night of the Soul (the article linked is on Mother Teresa of Calcutta's Dark Night), and my absolute fear of such a state of spirituality--one that is meant for those in a higher state of holiness, those who can handle an absence of God. St. Teresa of Avila suffered the Dark Night for 30 years. Mother Teresa suffered with it until the end of her life. Padre Pio suffered through bouts of it throughout his lifetime, and little Therese of Lisieux suffered the Dark Night while she was dying of TB. It seems to me a cruel thing, but one that is meant for perfection--but these people lived the Religious Life--one, that is subject to rules, especially regarding regular prayer--and one that shields them, for the most part, to the baser forms of sin. For those of us in the world, this would be a very perilous time--one of which we are subject to temptation and sin, and, depending on our state of life, have very little direction, spiritually. It is a time when prayer is so distasteful that, unless you have the will-power of a stone fortress, you'll do anything to distract yourself from thinking of God. Such thoughts of God are so painful--especially for those educated enough in theology to KNOW, intellectually, that He exists. It's like "He exists, but has left you to yourself. If you make it in the end, you get the prize...but good luck." Intellect and heart continuously battle against themselves, and contradict each other. It's a state of confusion that leaves the sufferer exhausted if he chooses to fight, and guilty if he chooses not to. This spiritual battle, often times, comes with temporal suffering as well. "Bad luck" as one may put it. You can see that in the scriptures--the story of Job is a story of the Dark Night. Yet, it is known that those who seek to do God's Will, to love God to the point of audacity, must go through this purgation on earth. Yet, there is no guideline or book of rules a Christian can follow to come out victorious in the end--each person follows a unique path fitted just for them, and so all directors, in the end, just say "persevere in prayer". And here's the catch--you have the choice to do so, or to not. There are many who choose the latter, because it's an easier path.

I do NOT admit to suffering though a Dark Night--I really can't put my finger on what it is that is haunting me, but I can't help but see the similarities. When life is hard, a Christian should take solace in their Faith in God--should be able to ask Him for help and guidance, even for material and financial help. I did this for quite a long time while in the convent--and the Superior told me that I "expected too much from God". This seemed contrary to everything I believed--that I was to do my best, but that I should not be afraid to ask much from God, and expect that He will make up for what I lack. Granted, I was in darkness at the time, but such hope was like grasping onto the ledge, refusing to slip into the darkness below. When she said that, it was like the ledge broke from my grasp and I tumbled into an unknown place. I now fear that if I ask, I will again be disappointed--if you don't expect anything from God, then you are safe when nothing seems to be given, I mean, the base grace given by God is not merited, is gratuitous--it should be enough, right?

Anyway, these are dark thoughts that shouldn't be dwelt on. I guess I do so here, because it needs to get out. That's what a blog is for, right?

It's a beautiful day outside, and it is completely within my power to make the best of it--or not. Man can choose to be positive, or dwell in the negative--and today, after this meditation into the darkness, I choose the Light--the positive. I choose to not let misfortune bring me down--I choose to be positive, and know that this choice is the best thing for all involved. I've decided to take St. Therese of Lisieux as my patroness, aside St. Maximilian Kolbe. Her spirituality is really and truely "the litte way"...the simplest (NOT easy, but to understand) and one that can be applied in every unique path--it is a mindset.

Smile, even though it hurts at first. In the end, you will be able to convince yourself that this is the better path to choose.

"Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk."

"Our Lord never asks of us any sacrifice above our strength. Sometimes, in truth, the Divine Master makes us taste the full bitterness of the chalice which He presents to our soul. When He asks the sacrifice of everything most dear to us in this world, it is impossible unless by a very special grace, not to cry out as He did in the Garden of the Agony: "My Father, let this chalice pass from me..." But let us also hasten to add: "Nevertheless not as I will but as Thou wilt." (Matt. 26:39). It is very consoling to think that Jesus - Divine Strength itself - has experienced all our weakness, that He trembled at the sight of the bitter chalice, the chalice He had longed for so ardently."

"When we accept our disappointment at our failures, God immediately returns to us."

"Time is but a shadow, a dream; already God sees us in glory and takes joy in our eternal beatitude. How this thought helps my soul! I understand then why He lets us suffer....."

"If I did not simply suffer from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient; but I look only at the present moment forget the past; and I take good care not to forestall the future. When we yield to discouragement or despair it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future."

-St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face

Night falls

2006-12-23T17:56:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, this year has been a difficult one for me, personally. I was forced to quit my job at Oasis Winery and Virginia Wine Country Tours after not being paid for two weeks--a job, despite the continued family feud--I REALLY enjoyed and was deeply hurt to see those who I thought as friends and co-worker turn on me. From here, I had to leave my apartment in Front Royal to find a job elsewhere, ending up crashing at my best friend's house for about a month before landing a place to stay and a job at Starbucks. I've also had to deal with family issues revolving around the 17 years of living with an adopted sister diagnosed with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Now, this has had to happen: After finishing my thesis at Christendom College, a thesis which took a semester to research and write--not to mention while working full-time-- I have been contacted by another professor who has informed me that I am to take an "incomplete" (granted that I WROTE MY ENTIRE THESIS--45 PAGES WORTH!) in order to rewrite the paper under his guidance. My former "Thesis Director", although I respect him a great deal, gave me no direction on any part of the paper, and now is taking a sabbatical--and I'm left to pick up the pieces and graduate a semester late.

Someone once said that "It's the character that's the strongest that God gives the most challenges to"...and to "take that as a complement". But I'm tired...It doesn't help that money has and is a continued issue, but it's the build-up of the spiritual and temporal challenges that has pushed me to a breaking-point. Yeah, I'll graduate...I'll remould the thesis to the way "the powers that be" are wanting it, in order to graduate. I'll move on. But, right now, I feel like a failure once again.

Perhaps this is a one-man pity party?

Well, blogs are meant for venting...and since I can't afford therapy...and seem to never find a spiritual director...

Why is it that I'm somehow seen as the "strong one" able to handle this shit? Every time I audition for a part, and fail to get even a call-back, I act as if it's necessary for the job--because it IS. But it still HURTS, my heart breaks every time I see an opportunity slip by. Every harsh word from another stings me, and yet I try to make it repel off my care-free facade like water and oil. I'm not happy with my job, not happy with my body, not happy with life in general--and that one solace which SHOULD be Faith is a THORN in my heart, because I know the Truth, but feel absolutely rejected, or in darkness and separated from God...I avoid Him because of this, distract myself at all costs--fearing even to ask Him for ANYTHING because I don't want to be disappointed. If I don't expect anything, there is no need for disappointment.

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I've found a song that seems to fit where I am, right now-- "The Tower" by Vienna Teng:

The one who survives by making the lives
Of others worthwhile

She's coming apart

Right before my eyes

The one who depends on the services she renders

To those who come knocking

She's seeing too clearly what she can't be

What understanding defies

She says I need not to need

Or else a love with intuition

Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go

I need not to need

I've always been the tower

But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

She turns out the light anticipating night falling

Tenderly around her

And watches the dusk

The words won't come

She carries the act so convincingly the fact is

Sometimes she believes it

That she can be happy the way things are

Be happy with the things she's done

And now I need not to need

Or else a love with intuition

Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go

I need not to need

I've always been the tower

But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

Reach out

But hold back

Where is safety

Reach out

And hold back

Where is the one who can change me

Where is the one

The one

Reach out

But hold back

Where is safety

Reach out

And hold back

Where is the one who can save me

Where is the one

The one

I need not to need

Or else a love with intuition

Someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go

I need not to need

I've always been the tower

But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

The danger and the power

The friend and the foe

My Ideal Man--Part II

2006-12-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

Now, onto the personality and temperament of my "ideal man"....but with a bit of explanation on both my reasoning and the pictures chosen...

I have a choleric/sanguine temperament, meaning that I tend to be a "strong woman"...but there are many times that I am TIRED of being the "strong woman"...that's where my "ideal man" fits the picture: I need a "Strong Man" who makes decisions, all the while respecting me as equal in dignity. He'd be sensitive, but strong. Also...Christine and I have recognized the need of financial security, as our professions are very unreliable. Therefore he also must be the main breadwinner or independently wealthy. Such a man is personified in the following fictional characters:

Sir Percival Blakeney

Col. Christopher Brandon

Mr. Darcy

Alright, yes, most girls fantasize about these characters (all the more reason for a guy to study up and learn from them!!), but I take them on temperaments as well as the romantic appeal. I like the tall, dark and brooding type (melancholic/choleric)
...the ones who'd do anything for the one they love...who care for honor and morality--for something greater then themselves...who are chivalrous.
This is the basic temperament and personality of the man I seek.
I have witnessed such love through my father's love of my mother. I am lucky for that, I know...and so I won't settle...because I know it exists and such is what will sweep this girl off her feet...nothing less!
And that concludes my idea of the Ideal Man...St. Joseph, protect him and guide us together one day!

My Ideal Man...

2006-11-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is the first part of a two-part posting. Here, I shall just post pictures of what my ideal man looks like...and like Jim Caviezal...whose characters would be ideal...or, rather, my idea of ideal...

As you can see...I like tall, dark, broodingly handsome and BEAUTIFUL eyes are a MUST!

This is what comes from endless coffee, an endless thesis, and QUITE a lot of mis-spent time with un-idealistic men...their temperments...and looks....hmmmm...

I think I need a man.

LOL

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO..."PORTRAITS OF THE IDEAL MAN":

This cracked me up...

2006-11-16T09:27:00.001-08:00

We only wish we could say these things at award ceremonies...if you can read lips...check out Elijah Wood's reaction--stupid hobbit!
Good for Gollum.

A King Without a Crown...

2006-11-16T09:24:00.001-08:00

Hasidic Reggae?!
A friend of mine, Cara, introduced me to Matisyahu...after watching this video, you can understand why I LOVE HIS MUSIC!
It's so random, but at the same time...isn't it true for any GREAT artist who also stands on his Faith? Consequently, Hasidic Jews are the only congrative group of Jews who still proclaim an expectation of the coming of the Messiah...I would love to fall in with some of these people...and would LOVE to go to one of his concerts...Cara did. Lucky sot.

Beauty and the Beast...My Favorite Faerie Tale

2006-11-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time . . .as a merchant set off for market, he asked each of his three daughters what she would like as a present on his return. The first daughter wanted a brocade dress, the second a pearl necklace, but the third, whose name was Beauty, the youngest, prettiest and sweetest of them all, said to her father:
"All I'd like is a rose you've picked specially for me!"

When the merchant had finished his business, he set off for home. However, a sudden storm blew up, and his horse could hardly make headway in the howling gale. Cold and weary, the merchant had lost all hope of reaching an inn when he suddenly noticed a bright light shining in the middle of a wood. As he drew near, he saw that it was a castle, bathed in light.
"I hope I'll find shelter there for the night," he said to himself. When he reached the door, he saw it was open, but though he shouted, nobody came to greet him. Plucking up courage, he went inside, still calling out to attract attention. On a table in the main hall, a splendid dinner lay already served. The merchant lingered, still shouting for the owner of the castle. But no one came, and so the starving merchant sat down to a hearty meal.
Overcome by curiosity, he ventured upstairs, where the corridor led into magnificent rooms and halls. A fire crackled in the first room and a soft bed looked very inviting. It was now late, and the merchant could not resist. He lay down on the bed and fell fast asleep. When he woke next morning, an unknown hand had placed a mug of steaming coffee and some fruit by his bedside.
The merchant had breakfast and after tidying himself up, went downstairs to thank his generous host. But, as on the evening before, there was nobody in sight. Shaking his head in wonder at the strangeness of it all, he went towards the garden where he had left his horse, tethered to a tree. Suddenly, a large rose bush caught his eye.
Remembering his promise to Beauty, he bent down to pick a rose. lnstantly, out of the rose garden, sprang a horrible beast, wearing splendid clothes. Two bloodshot eyes, gleaming angrily, glared at him and a deep, terrifying voice growled: "Ungrateful man! I gave you shelter, you ate at my table and slept in my own bed, but now all the thanks I get is the theft of my favourite flowers! I shall put you to death for this slight!" Trembling with fear, the merchant fell on his knees before the Beast.
"Forgive me! Forgive me! Don't kill me! I'll do anything you say! The rose wasn't for me, it was for my daughter Beauty. I promised to bring her back a rose from my journey!" The Beast dropped the paw it had clamped on the unhappy merchant.
"I shall spare your life, but on one condition, that you bring me your daughter!" The terror-stricken merchant, faced with certain death if he did not obey, promised that he would do so. When he reached home in tears, his three daughters ran to greet him. After he had told them of his dreadful adventure, Beauty put his mind at rest immediately.
"Dear father, I'd do anything for you! Don't worry, you'll be able to keep your promise and save your life! Take me to the castle. I'll stay there in your place!" The merchant hugged his daughter.
"I never did doubt your love for me. For the moment I can only thank you for saving my life." So Beauty was led to the castle. The Beast, however, had quite an unexpected greeting for the girl. Instead of menacing doom as it had done with her father, it was surprisingly pleasant.

In the beginning, Beauty was frightened of the Beast, and shuddered at the sight of it. Then she found that, in spite of the monster's awful head, her horror of it was gradually fading as time went by. She had one of the finest rooms in the Castle, and sa t for hours, embroidering in front of the fire. And the Beast would sit, for hours on end, only a short distance away, silently gazing at her. Then it started to say a few kind words, till in the end, Beauty was amazed to discover that she was actually en joying its conversation.
The days passed, and Beauty and the Beast became good friends. Then one day, the Beast asked the girl to be his wife.
Taken by surprise, Beauty did not know what to say. Marry such an ugly monster? She would rather die! But she did not want to hurt the feelings of one who, after all, had been kind to her. And she remembered too that she owed it her own life as well as h er father's.
"I really can't say yes," she began shakily. "I'd so much like to . . ."

The Beast interrupted her with an abrupt gesture. "I quite understand! And I'm not offended by your refusal!" Life went on as usual, and nothing further was said.

One day, the Beast presented Beauty with a magnificent magic mirror. When Beauty peeped into it, she could see her family, far away.
"You won't feel so lonely now," were the words that accompanied the gift.
Beauty stared for hours at her distant family.

Then she began to feel worried.
One day, the Beast found her weeping beside the magic mirror.
"What's wrong?" he asked, kindly as always.
"My father is gravely ill and close to dying! Oh, how I wish I could see him again, before it's too late!" But the Beast only shook its head.
"No! You will never leave this castle!" And off it stalked in a rage.
However, a little later, it returned and spoke solemnly to the girl. "If you swear that you will return here in seven days time, I'll let you go and visit your father!" Beauty threw herself at the Beast's feet in delight.
"I swear! I swear I will! How kind you are! You've made a loving daughter so happy!" In reality, the merchant had fallen ill from a broken heart at knowing his daughter was being kept prisoner. When he embraced her again, he was soon on the road to recovery. Beauty stayed beside him for hours on end, describing her life at the Castle, and explaining that the Beast was really good and kind. The days flashed past, and at last the merchant was able to leave his bed. He was completely well again. Be auty was happy at last. However, she had failed to notice that seven days had gone by.
Then one night she woke from a terrible nightmare. She had dreamt that the Beast was dying and calling for her, twisting in agony.
"Come back! Come back to me!" it was pleading. The solem promise she had made drove her to leave home immediately.

"Hurry! Hurry, good horse!" she said, whipping her steed onwards towards the castle, afraid that she might arrive too late. She rushed up the stairs, calling, but there was no reply. Her heart in her mouth, Beauty ran into the garden and there c rouched the Beast, its eyes shut, as though dead. Beauty threw herself at it and hugged it tightly.
"Don't die! Don't die! I'll marry you . . ." At these words, a miracle took place. The Beast's ugly snout turned magically into the face of a handsome young man.
"How I've been longing for this moment!" he said. "I was suffering in silence, and couldn't tell my frightful secret. An evil witch turned me into a monster and only the love of a maiden willing to accept me as I was, could transform me back into my real self. My dearest! I'll be so happy if you'll marry me . . ."
The wedding took place shortly after and, from that day on, the young Prince would have nothing but roses in his gardens. And that's why, to this day, the castle is known as the Castle of the Rose.

Sebastian

2006-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Sebastian Brideshead in the book/movie "Brideshead Revisited".

His is a very complicated character, but one I really relate to, especially in my present state of spirituality...

I understand his desire to be truly happy...a child-like desire, but one that is merited in reality...all men desire happiness.

It's unfortunate, though, that there are some who's influence in our lives can all but shatter our little world of aesthetic contemplation with their cold, hard examples of "faith"--a starved, stale and too-stoic extremism...this effects those with more artistic souls--I've seen in in many of my friends who are dealing with difficulties in their faith--I see it in "semi-heathen" me. A great example is this complex, eccentric character, Sebastian.

One may find it strange to hear that I, (who've been very well educated in my Faith) have so many difficulties with the application and reality of the interior life (that being the life-breath of the Faith). Moreover, I have no problem with the "unrealistic" career I've chosen--shooting for the stars...never looking back, etc.

Why, then, do I find it ever-so-impossible to seek sanctity? I come more and more to the realization that there are, really, some who have that special "spark" that lifts them higher than the rest of us...a chosen path and intimacy with God. Others can aspire, but the more they try, the harder they fall...and God watches...many times supporting so that they don't fall TOO far, but very rarely ever lifting them out of the mire.

It's difficult being an educated Catholic, for many times that which is taught (like JPII's declaration that we're all called to that high sanctity) can only be applied to some...and others like Sebastian, will continue to seek blindly, and stumble...and get up again because we KNOW it's the only way...

and then, we are unhappy...unhappy because we know there's something more, and that we ought to give our all for it...but when we do, we are oft disappointed, and find that the results are the same weather we labor intensely, or stick to Sundays.

Perhaps it's the anticipation and then the let-down (over and over and over again) that causes the artistic soul in search for what has been told to it as an actual realistic potential (union with God...LOVE!) to sink into itself (very dangerous!) and sink into the sadness of SEEKING AND NOT QUITE FINDING...knocking, the door opens a crack to let one SEE the beauty inside, but never actually being let in.

Perhaps that's what drove Sebastian to turn to drink--escaping reality for a time...and then whenever he is able to.

my future job...liturgist?

2006-11-11T17:40:00.001-08:00

Well, I survived! (the rain, that is!!)
Auditions were great...I had a blast with Christine this past Wednesday, as we did a whirlwind tour of the "Big Apple". No call backs, yet, but I wasn't expecting anything BIG to happen...I really was pumped just to get back to auditioning again. Now, onword to excercise and loosing weight, so that I can seriously compete for shows (and prepair for the one I'm currently in!)

Christine sent me this great article on what has been diagnosed as "quarter-life crisis". It seems to really hit home on many of the reasons why I feel so dissatisfied with my current job status; having no control over future...etc. One need only google "quarter-life crisis" to get the gist, but let's just say that I'm glad I'm not the ONLY one in this state of life!
(and to THINK that I've been fearing I'd end up either seriously doing the following, or cracking at an audition by doing this...)

Exploring the person of Mary Magdalene...

2006-10-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'm nervous...

It's not the audition--I live for that kind of rush! It's the thought of playing such a phenomenal woman as Mary Magdalene.

In the musical, Jesus Christ, Superstar, the character of Mary could be easily interpreted as steamy, provocative and even the physical lover of Jesus...actually, I wouldn't be surprised with that dime-novel, DaVinci Code as a best seller, there would be some who will want to interpret her in such a light.

For me, the love that Magdalene had for Christ was so intense--to set such a shallow interpretation would degrade the whole love story in the first place. I mean, look at what we know of her: after all the apostles leave, Mary stays at the empty tomb of Christ, looking for His body--she as well, at this time, must not of understood the truth of what it meant to be the Son of God, but she was determined to stay and look for His body because she loved Him, and to not do so would have left her incomplete- judging her love more of an infatuation than a "unity of souls"...this is, I believe, why we have wakes/ funerals...to show the respect and love for the person who has died. When you are in that kind of love, you go to whatever lengths to express that love.

Perhaps that stubborn, determined love was irresistible to Christ...and what "forced" Him to appear to her (and how romantic was THE WAY He revealed Himself to her?! I wonder, is this truly how He loves all souls?)

How does an actress portray that kind of pure, intense love--especially in THIS show? I am having such a challenge with "I don't know how to love Him"--The song, undoubtedly, hits REALLY close to home (and those who know me well, understand what I mean by this), but this is where it gets difficult: I can't seem to capture the passion and the past of Magdalene that places her in the moment where she sings, "I don't know how to love Him".

I refuse to be the cookie-cutter B-way actress...I consider myself a method actress with morals...I won't go so far as sell my soul to get inside the head of a character, but I'll do what I can to understand her in order to BE her... I feel it'd just be WRONG to audition for her part without being authentic- half-assed and amateur to do so...so "UN-Mary Magdalene-like"

My Dream of Flying...

2006-10-30T20:03:00.001-08:00

Okay. Accuse me of immature, childish-daydreams...I admit, I'm obsessed with my imagination! As I was driving home from the recording studio, this evening, I was listening to my CD mix of some great movie soundtracks and daydreaming (while still managing to keep complete attention on the road!)--granted, I've had about four and a half hours of sleep in the last forty-eight hours (I closed the store, last night, and opened this morning).

Anyways, I was dreaming, that if I had the ability to bring to life two fictional characters, who they would be. My answer: Sir Percival Blakeney (of course!) and PETER PAN. Now, you might ask...which of the two, if I was able to bring only one, would I choose? Surprisingly enough, I'd probably choose Peter Pan.

Why? Well, I've been obsessed with the legend of Peter Pan since I was VERY small. Even as I drove, listening to the soundtrack (played in the clip above), tonight, I rolled my windows down, and driving 80 mph, stuck my hand out the window just WILLING to "pretend" that I was flying.

What makes playing "make-believe" a social feux-pax for people my age? Why must we "grow up"? What is "growing up" but a gathering of responsibilities while, many times, forgoing the development of the imagination and creativity...Children play for hours on end, and even at night, when it is past their bedtime, beg and plead to stay outside with their friends a little longer. When we were young, all we needed was a dirt-hill (from the new house going up next door) and an imagination to really enjoy ourselves--to love life! Now, we "grown-ups" are expected to exhaust ourselves by finding "fulfilment" at the gym or at the Mall--our "fun" consists of working an obscene amount of hours in order to advance our careers...or an occasional romantic liaison in order to convince ourselves that we are love-able. Seriously, if I was lucky enough for Peter Pan to visit my window, tonight, and ask me to come away to Neverland...I wouldn't give it a second thought...no offence to my friends and family, whom I love dearly...but that chance to never grow up, to have adventures...REAL ADVENTURES with Peter at my side...yeah, I'd take it in a heartbeat over any of those "grown-up" false ideas of "living life to it's fullness".

I never quite understood why Wendy left Peter, for good....perhaps it was the way in which she left her parents...an unfinished parting? I've come to understand that such partings in my life are barren, desolate spots on my conscience and life-memory...and if they can be resolved and mended, must be.

---This way, I can feel free to say "yes"... just in case Peter ever does come for me...

"Dawdling"

2006-10-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

The Pressure is on...I have one week to finish my rough-draft for my Senior Thesis...

What a word..."dawdling"...I don't even know if I spelled it correctly. All I know is that such a word can describe my present life situation. I am Master of procrastination, and it in turn has much control over my life--most especially regarding applying myself to things distasteful to me--such as my thesis and my day-job.

Granted, it isn't the thesis TOPIC--far from it! I honestly enjoy researching Pauline texts and the history of stoic philosophy. It's the writing of said thesis...it reminds me a bit of an intense race to put a 1000 piece puzzle together. I have all these bits and pieces of fantastic, detailed historical data...and now must find how to bring it into one cohesive chapter...egad. This must be the most trying situation I've faced yet for my degree...only three credits away from graduation, not even living close to the university I am STILL attending... and on top of needing all my free time for the thesis, I'm working a full-time day-job that is so time-demanding for such a brainless activity-- MAKING COFFEE. I am a bit worn from doing work that asks my full attention, but drives away any hint of creativity.

Somehow, some way I must find the drive within me to push just one more leg in this race. I want so much to dedicate all my time to my artistic passion for the stage...to audition, to perform. Yet, in order for me to do so, I must finish what I've started...I cannot waste four years of education by avoiding a thesis. I haven't the luxury to do so...and if I desire a better job, I must finish what I started...

There...I said it....now, on to work.

(one last note...I am heading up to NYC in order to audition for the national tour of "Jesus Christ, Superstar"--as Mary Magdelene--the one Saint I had such an abhorrence to a few years ago, but now love her as one of my patrons...She was FIRST to see Jesus because she just wouldn't stop searching for Him. I hope that, one day, my efforts to find Him in my life will prove to touch His Heart as well.)

What Dreams May Come...

A BEAUTIFUL Meditation...

MY BELOVED…

Let me tell you how he treats me now. He supplies all my wants. He gives me more than I dare ask. He anticipates my every need. He begs me to ask for more. He never reminds me of my past ingratitude. He never rebukes me for my past follies.

Appreciation of Masculine Beauty

This is BRILLIANT. Please watch!

The Romance of LOGIC and of Two Hearts...

Check out music from Bree A. Dail

New Christmas CD

Newport...news?

..."Action is Elequence"

"OH- asis!": Working for Michaele and Tareq Salahi

Polish Movie with St. Maximilian Kolbe

Navy OCS Class 26-09 Hi Moms

The Slaughtering of Pigs...

Swearing In...

My virtual puppy--Aslan!

Gethsemane - truly Art as CONTEMPLATION

One month and counting!

Whe eez thee redarrr? Wat eez tat noise?

At Long Last...MOVIE REVIEWS!

Anticipation, Argumentation and other "A" words...

Reliving the Memories...

Crowd Cheers, Sings, Prays

Happy Feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe!

(1894 - 1941)

What I'm doing now...

On a plateau...WITH working out?!

Out of work and underpaid...

Homeward Bound...

A Public Proclaimation or My Take on Contemplation...

Gethsemane - Steve Balsamo

RIP Percy the Fish

And so life goes...

She Moved Through the Fair

Intense Angst...Cyrano would cry!

Big Auditions in NYC

Funny Face

A New Year, a New Job and a New Life...

Seeking a Job...Seeking Life's Meaning...

Breath of Heaven

Intentions are ONE thing...

Bleeding Diamonds, Cheeky Rabbits, Pirate Monkeys and Miracle Berries...

McNow Mentality...

Only An Ocean Away

Daniel Radcliffe's Redemptive Performance

"What have you been doing?!" Part II

"What have you been doing?!" Part I

Into Great Silence...

Opening Emmy Awards 2006

Dedicated to my Mom, and her new Doula Business

"Where are you goin'?"

Fainting Goats

CSI: Jim Carrey

Pirates!

To Christine, with LOVE....muwahahaha!

LIMBO NO MORE!

Virginia Tech- In Memoriam:

Michael Keaton

HRH....

Comings and Goings...

Ahhh...my DEAREST Jack is...well...back!

Hummmdrummm...thesis

This cracked me up!

Lent...again

Update

Burn, baby, Burn!

CSI Miami - Horatio Cain One-liners!

LADYHAWKE

Pan's Labyrinth

A note from my Mom

My newest TV Obsession

A New Job...

Home

Night falls

My Ideal Man--Part II

My Ideal Man...

This cracked me up...

A King Without a Crown...

Beauty and the Beast...My Favorite Faerie Tale

Let me tell you how he treats me now.
He supplies all my wants.
He gives me more than I dare ask.
He anticipates my every need.
He begs me to ask for more.
He never reminds me of my past ingratitude.
He never rebukes me for my past follies.